A Tale Of Two Lillies
by DylantheRabbit
Summary: After a disastrous battle in the Department of Mysteries that claims her life Harriet Potter is sent back in time to prevent the second rise of Voldemort. A response to Anubis' Two Lillies challenge. Rated M for adult situations and some rather fruity language. Femslash HP/LE and possibly more. Wink wink.
1. Chapter 1

**.**

 **Okay. Another challenge offered and another fic started. Bearing in mind that the last challenge I started with 'Fortunate Son' has wandered off on a bit of a tangent I'm hoping that these two new ones are going to go slightly better. To try and make that happen I'm looking to make these shortish 50k to 80k word romps so we'll see how** _ **that**_ **goes but since I'm writing about three to four chapters worth of content every week at the moment nobody should be too concerned about the sheer amount of open stories that I have right now.**

 **So here we go.**

 **This challenge was offered by the very lovely Anubis of the Highway Thieves and goes thus;**

 **.**

We see a lot of Fics where Harry/FemHarry winds up back in time when the Marauders and Lily are at Hogwarts, most of which I have seen have him/her befriend the Marauders, One where he befriends Lily, and one where he befriends Snape that I can think of.

None that I am aware of has FemHarry befriending Lily.

 **Requirements:**

FemHarry must become friends with Lily.

FemHarry's name must have a connection to a type of lily even if it's only a fake last name to stay undiscovered.

FemHarry must eventually reveal who she is and where she came from to Lily.

FemHarry must be Gray and have no problem using lethal force on her enemies.

FemHarry has no problems retaliating against the Marauders pranks.

FemHarry must try to keep some of those who become Death Eaters in the future from becoming so.

 **Forbidden:**

Pairing FemHarry with Sirius or Regulus.

FemHarry becoming a follower of Dumbledore or Voldemort.

 **Recomended:**

If Fake last name is used it actually turns out to be real and has Vaults and properties attached.

FemHarry becoming a teacher instead of student.

FemHarry becoming the Founders Heir and owner of Hogwarts(cliche it may be but at least I bring the idea up in a new setting; It also would probably be quite funny if this was announced by the Sorting Hat while being sorted, imagine the look on everyone's faces).

FemHarry/Lily(If people can pair Male Harry with Lily why not this?)

 **Optional:**

FemHarry/Narcissa.

FemHarry/Bellatrix.

 **I'm not JKR and I don't make any money from this. Which is a bit of a shame.**

 **DtR xx.**

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 **A Tale of Two Lillies.**

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 **1\. Somewhere Over the Rainbow.**

 **.**

 **18th June 1996. Department of Mysteries.**

.

Dumbledore's Army had raced off to London and the Ministry of Magic on the backs of several threstrals in order to save Harriet Potter's god father Sirius Black who they believed had been captured by a group of notorious Death Eaters. That the ridiculous blonde fop himself, Lucius Malfoy, had been the ring leader of this group and at least three of the DA had a very personal bone to pick with him played absolutely no part in their rushed decision to action. No, not even slightly. It was all about the rescue. Well nearly all about the rescue anyway. Giving the gobby, aristocratic twat a good kicking was just going to be a lovely little bonus for Harriet, Ginny and Hermione.

And so they had abandoned their calm reason in favour of a swift strike in the name of justice and freedom (and revenge) without so much as an owl or a mirror call to anybody who could give them some much needed support. Apart from the grease-meister general, Potions master Severus Snape that is and, honestly, who the hell knew how long _that_ git would sit on the information before he actually decided to get them some help.

Even so their extremely bold and totally unplanned rush to the Department of Mysteries had gone rather well at first. Through adventurous spirit, bravery and blind luck they had managed to get into the Ministry building and all the way down to the Hall of Prophecies without any major incidents. Unfortunately that was where their luck had run out.

Of course it was a trap.

Damn and blast her foolish bloody Gryffindorish tendancies. If she had only listened to that little voice in the back of her head that was always nagging her about thinking things through and planning before rushing off and attempting some half arsed rescue on her own then she wouldn't be here facing off against a room full of experienced and vicious Death Eaters. Not that she was alone mind you. They were all here, her small crew of brainless friends, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Ginny and, not forgetting Luna, but they were still badly outnumbered.

It was a bit difficult to focus on anything other than keeping out of the way of the nasty curses being thrown her way at the moment but Harriet still noticed how well Luna was doing duelling the Death Eaters. Not surprising really since there was very little about Luna that she didn't notice.

Luna Selene Lovegood.

Honestly it had been her desire to impress the strangely beautiful little blonde Ravenclaw that had been a good percentage of what had led her here tonight. Sure there was certainly _some_ concern for her supposedly captured god father but most of it was a hormone driven need to get in Luna's pants. She suspected that Sirius would approve whole heartedly of her less than pure motivations in this regard. Although getting the shit kicked out of them by vastly more ruthless and experienced opponents was perhaps not the best plan that she had ever had.

Speaking of Sirius, he and the rest of The Order of the Phoenix chose that moment to arrive and the battle that had been almost over and done by then sparked back in to life again.

She and her idiot god father, who really needed to learn how to finish someone off before taunting them, had gotten themselves cut off from their friends and allies and were now cornered at the entrance to the death chamber by all three of the Lestranges. They were out matched and they knew it but that Gryffindor spirit rose it's stupid head and they attacked anyway. It took mere moments for her to be disarmed and Sirius to be hit by two powerful stunners that pushed him backwards towards the Veil.

"Sirius No!"

Harriet Potter ignored the incoming spells instead diving across the death chamber in a desperate lunge to try and save her god father. Her outstretched fingers brushed his upper arm and she caught him in a vice like grip with a feeling of elation thinking that _finally_ something had gone her way tonight. That feeling was not destined to last long.

The impact from the blasting curse hit her high in the shoulder and Harriet was spun violently into the already falling Sirius with huge force, sending the pair of them tumbling through the archway and straight into the opening of the Veil of Death. She stared into the horrified faces of her friends for a second or two and then her world went black.

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 **Beyond Time and Space. The Great Void.**

.

It was a strange feeling, this nothingness. Harriet looked around her and all that she could see was white. Like literally _everything_ she could see. She appeared to be standing in thin air ... but not quite since there wasn't even that in this place which left her wondering how exactly she was managing to breathe. That was when she noticed that she wasn't breathing. Oh. Well that couldn't be good. She felt like she should ask someone what was going on but there was nobody here to ask and because there was no perspective of where she was there was nothing here she couldn't get her bearings from. It was very disorienting. But then she guessed that being dead must be like that for most people.

And then in the middle of all the nothing there was suddenly something.

A very tall something wearing a simple black, hooded robe and carrying a scythe in his large, skeletal hand. Oh bollocks. It was true then. She had made right royal fuck up of this. Harriet 'Gryffindored' up and spoke to him before he opened his mouth ... jaw ... whatever.

"I take it my little rescue didn't go to plan then?"

 **I would imagine not.**

"Shit."

Death wasn't really used to people being this calm when he turned up to greet them. Usually there was a lot of crying and wailing and gnashing of teeth not this sort of resigned amusement that he felt emanating from the girl before him. But then Harriet Potter was rather ... special. He stood and perused her in silence waiting for the question that he knew would be coming.

"What about Sirius?"

 **My grand daughter Susan is attending to Mister Black.**

"Oh he'll like that."

 **He will? Most people don't you know.**

"Yes well my dog father is what you might call a bit of a ladies man." Harriet smirked despite the situation in which she found herself. "Also a bit of an idiot."

 **Oh dear.**

The short girl in the clunky glasses studied Death as he studied her. Her bright, green eyes stayed rivetted to the excessively bony individual while his seemed to spin in every direction only occcasionally connecting with her gaze. He appeared to be rather distracted and Harriet, being Harriet, wanted to make sure that he was okay.

"Umm ... are you alright?"

 **We should go to my study Harriet Potter, there is much to discuss.**

"You've got a study?"

 **Yes it's in my house.**

Death had a house? Weird.

And weird was definitely the word. This was mainly because one second Harriet was stood in the middle of a white nothingness chatting to a ten foot tall skeleton and the next she was stood on a neon green lawn next to a slightly odd swing set and looking at the strangest cottage that she had ever seen. It was like someone had taken a five year old child's drawing of what a cottage should look like and built it to that precise blueprint. Including the curly line coming from the slightly crooked chimney, the cotton candy clouds and the line of blue above for the sky. It was possibly the oddest thing that she had ever seen, which considering that she was friends with Luna Lovegood was pretty bloody impressive.

"It's not quite what I expected Death's house to look like."

 **That's what Susan says.**

"Smart girl."

 **Indeed.**

"Soooo."

 **Soooo.**

Harriet couldn't quite work out if Death was taking the piss out of her or if he just wasn't used to holding a conversation with an almost sixteen year old girl. Deciding that, since he was a ten foot tall, scythe weilding monster who was the personification of death itself and could very likely squash her like a tiny bug, she would give him the benefit of the doubt here.

"So this sudy of yours is inside the house is it?"

 **Yes. Follow the yellow brick road.**

Well she hadn't noticed _that_ before but shrugged and followed it anyway and, upon entering, if she thought that the exterior of the house was weird Harriet was totally unprepared for the eye watering insanity inside. The endless corridor full of doors that were all identical was bad enough but when she found herself in Death's study, what seemed like a mere instant later, the crazy really began.

The room was lined along three walls with bookcases that appeared to go up and on for at least a mile in each direction even though they still somehow fit into what was a relatively small twelve foot square office. The disorienting sight made her shut her eyes tightly and feel around for the edge of the desk, opening them only when she was sure that she was facing the wall without any books against it. Although it had to said that the many posters and costumes from The Wizard of Oz that decorated that wall were almost as bad. Harriet wasn't a fan.

Death apparently was though and Harriet thought it was probably best if she didn't mention how shit she thought that movie was and decided to listen to what the reaper was saying.

 **The universe is in disarray, the timeline has been warped. Lily Evans was to have been the one to stop Riddle long before we came to this sorry pass. She was to have killed him in battle in 1979 and then hunted down his soul jars over the next five years bringing him over to my domain for the final judgement. But instead she married James Potter and the time-line changed. Things must be fixed. You must fix them.**

"Why do I always end up having to fix the world's problems?" Harriet huffed out her annoyance as she glared at the grim reaper.

 **Because you were never meant to be little one. You must fix that and everything else will fall into place. Order will be restored.**

"How the bollocking fuck am I supposed to fix that?" As she finished speaking it dawned on Harriet what she was going to have to do and the horror of it struck her full force. "Oh fuck me gently with a chainsaw you're going to send me back in time aren't you?"

 **Yes.**

"I'm going to have to stop my mum and dad shagging aren't I?"

 **Yes.**

"Any clever suggestions on how I can do that? From what Sirius said they were proper loved up."

"We're going to send you back early enough that it won't be an issue."

Harriet turned to the new arrival in Death's study and immediately lost the train of her thoughts entirely. The young woman was maybe in her early twenties and while not what most people would call classically beautiful she made up for this by having the kind of curves that would cause a multiple pile up on a busy street. Or blushes and palpitations in a certain black haired young witch who was currently staring open mouthed and drooling at her in that _very_ low cut top.

"Hi. I'm Susan Death."

"Hmmm ... muh ... hoo."

"My eyes are up here Miss Potter."

"Sorry Miss." Harriet looked at the floor and shuffled her feet instead, feeling for all the world like a naughty school girl.

"So, we're going to pop you back in time to the beginning of Lily Evans' fifth year at Hogwarts school _before_ James Potter manages to sort himself out and you'll have to try and keep the two of them apart."

"Just how the buggery fuck am I supposed to do that?"

 **You could aways seduce her yourself.**

Susan seemed to be giving this some serious considersation. Much to Harriet's disgust.

"It's a viable option. You're certainly pretty enough to catch her eye."

"Okay just wait one mother fucki ... bloody minute there. First, thanks for the 'pretty' comment ... " She flashed a nervous smile at Susan. " ... and second, are you _seriously_ suggesting that I should shag my own mum? Because ... just ... eeuww."

Death looked like he was about to respond when his grand daughter caught his eye and gently shook her head at him so he stopped. He really didn't understand why the little human was so upset by his suggestion as he honestly thought it the best solution to her problems but then he would be the first to admit that he didn't understand humans in general. He usually found that it was better to leave it to Susan to sort these kinds of issues out.

 **Well I shall leave you in Susan's capable hands then. She will be your guide on the next part of your journey. Good luck little human.**

Harriet blinked as Death winked out of existence and her eyes adjusted to the rapidly reducing hole that he had left in their current reality. She shook her head and shuddered before turning back to the rather lovely and statuesque Miss Death.

"God that gives me the willies. Sorry about Sirius by the way, I hope he didn't make too much of a nuisance of himself."

"What makes you think that you need to apologise for him?"

"Because I've _met_ him."

Harriet looked on in awe as Susan Death giggled, causing her impressive breasts, unhindered by any form of underwired support struture, to wobble about in a most distracting manner.

"You're fun." Death's grand daughter suddenly looked impossibly sad. "I wish you could stay."

"Oh. Am I going somewhere right now then?"

"Yes indeed. It's over the rainbow for you now young Harriet."

And the world went black again.

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.

 **1st September 1974. Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.**

.

Harriet Potter flashed back into existence standing off to one side of the great hall in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and stumbled briefly as her legs tried to re-adjust to standing on solid ground. She winced at the terrifying headache and feeling of nausia that this small movement provoked but managed not to launch her last meal all over the floor. Barely. Fuck. Harriet _never_ wanted to do that again. It was worse than side along apparating and that was bloody vomit inducing terrible in it's own right. Cracking one eye open cautiously she took in her surroundings in order to restore some normality.

Okay so the _where_ she was was easy enough. The great hall of Hogwarts was instantly recogniseable to anyone who had attended the school at any time in the last milennium, the _when_ was a little more tricky, however. Not that tricky though when you opened your eyes and really looked. It was obviously some time in the seventies, she had known that in the back of her mind anyway counting backwards from how old she knew her mum to have been at the time her death in 1981. The abundance of brown tank tops and kipper ties peeping out from underneath poorly fastened school robes just confirmed it.

Come to think about it what the bloody hell was _she_ wearing?

She lifted a corner of her robes and peeked underneath. Oh my God. You are fucking kidding me. Below the robes and in place of her usual faded jeans and Hollyhead Harpies sweat shirt (or even her hated school uniform) was an awful chequered pinafore dress of archaic design. Worse still it was a dress that she recognised from a certain movie poster on a certain wall of a certain study in a certain grim reaper's house. And while the stylish knee length gogo boots weren't exactly slippers they were certainly rather red. One might almost say _Ruby_ red. Harriet had a horrible idea of the name that was going to get called out for her sorting.

"Dorothy Liliceae."

She fucking knew it. The next time she saw Death she was going to kick him right in the bollocks.

Harriet/Dorothy was still snarling and muttering under her breath to herself about all the un-ladylike things that she was going to do to the grim reaper at their next meeting when professor MacGonagall called her new name again. This time it was with a little more force and she realised that if she didn't get moving everyone was going to think she was a bit mentally slow. As well as psychotic. Following the well remembered and familar path she trudged resignedly along the raised platform in front of the teacher's table, sat on the stool (had it always been this small she wondered) and waited for the inevitable intrusion into her mind.

 _"Well hello there young Dorothy, my but haven't you come a long way to visit us here. Now then don't be afraid I'm just going to have a quick scan of your thoughts so that we can figure out which would be the best House to put you in."_

 _"Yeah, you might not want to do that I don't think Susan or her grandad would be very happy if you did."_

 _"Susan?"_

 _"Susan."_

 _"Susan ... Death?"_

 _"Susan Death."_

 _"I see ... so that means we've probably met before. Tell me, where did I place you last time?"_

 _"Gryffindor."_

 _"Ah so by the power of deduction since you died of that choice I should put you in ... "_

 _"DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE!"_

" ... SLYTHERIN!"

"Fuck my life."

Thankfully the enormously loud shout masked Harriet's quietly spoken exclamation and as the hat was whipped away her head dropped to her chest and she let out a huge sigh. It was not in any way a sigh of relief. She just could not catch a fucking break today could she.

Guided and propelled to her new House table by a large, older gentleman with a huge walrus moustache Harriet was dragging her feet a bit not really wanting to be rushed into approaching the 'Snake Pit'. The applause for their newest member was decidedly muted but whether this was just a polite response that everyone got or simply because they all took one look at her and thought her to be totally batshit crazy she couldn't really tell. Such was the way of those who wore the green and silver. Their true feelings and intentions were always obscured behind the well practiced mask of indifference.

She doubted if she'd make it a week before she beat somebody to death out of pure frustration.

With a final push that sent her staggering and provoked a daggered glare at his retreating form her Head of House returned to the top table and left Harriet to find a seat. It wasn't difficult as nobody seemed willing to be that close to her at the moment. She thumped down with ill grace in an empty spot as far away from the sneering features of a much younger Lucius 'bastard face' Malfoy as she could possibly get and started banging her head repeatedly on the hard, wooden surface of the table.

From his position two seats down from her and with his view left unobstructed by his rapidly moving House mates a boy with long, greasy black hair and torn robes sniggered quietly as the new girl head butted the table. He was wondering about her whole Wizard of Oz outfit (as well as her sanity) and whether it was some kind of public statement that she was a 'friend of Dorothy' as the muggles would say. Admittedly it was rather clever of her if this was that and this was a way of advertising to 'witches who liked witches' that she would be open to their future advances. Of course she might just be utterly insane and like dressing up. One could never tell with girls.

He had just decided to make an introduction when the girl looked him straight in the eye with a dangerous expression on her pretty face and raised her right index finger in a warning gesture to him.

"Not a fucking word."

His mouth snapped shut and Severus Snape turned away from those startling green eyes, so like his darling Lily's, and focused back on his dinner plate not wanting to push the growling young woman into violence. In spite of the obvious imminent threat of severe pain he smirked to himself as he watched her undoing the long twin braids of raven hair that hung down in front of her shoulders. What an entertaining year this might turn out to be. Well it couldn't be any worse than the last four had been for him could it. Could it?

.

Behind them at the Ravenclaw table two witches, one blonde and one red head, ignored their filled plates and looked on in amusement as 'Dorothy' and Severus 'interracted'. Pandora Scamander and Lily Evans seemed equally unable to take their eyes off of the short, but stunningly gorgeous girl with the black, braided hair and the red, pouty lips. The girl who appeared to be driving her fearful looking Housemates away in droves with her mere presence.

"Ooh I like her, she's _spunky_."

Of course Pandora would like her. The red head shook her head in exasperation at her odd friend and her ... _enthusiasm_ with the dangerous looking new Slytherin girl before coming back with.

"She just looks bloody nuts to me. I mean, hotter than the effing sun obviously, but still bloody nuts. No offence Pan'."

"None taken Lils, none taken."

"She just looks really strange... and not a wholesome _you_ kind of a way Pan' but in a deranged psychopath with a chip on her shoulder and no self control kind of a way."

Pandora Scamander regarded her slightly blushing best friend carefully, subjecting her to a thorough examination of her aura and seeing the truth that hid there.

"You still want to find out what colour panties she's wearing though don't you Lils."

"Well yeah. I'm not _dead_ Pan'."

The nutty blonde suddenly stood up and yelled out across to the Slytherin table.

"Yoo hoo! Dottie, Dottie. Lils wants to know what colour are your pa ... mmmph."

As Lily managed to get her hand over Pandora's mouth and cut off the rest of her embarrassingly shouted question the girl who it was aimed at turned her head and fixed the pair of ravenclaw witches with a scowl that would have put the Severus Snape in her original time-line to shame. Her eye was twitching dangerously and she had just laid her wand on the table, clearly getting ready to hex them into oblivion when the two pairs of green eyes met ... and locked. It didn't last long as the new girl's eyes widened in recognition and she mouthed something that looked suspiciously like 'oh fuck' before she started head butting the table again.

Lily Evans thought that, however unbelievably and incredibly gorgeous she was, this new girl in Slytherin was very rude. And she had a shit name too. Even in the stuck in the past, backwards Wizarding community, who in all holy hell called a girl Dorothy for fucks sake. It was _awful_.

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 **As usual I write for me but reviews are always nice and I'd certainly never turn them away, just don't get caught up in the whole 'they would never do that' trap. This is all going to be pretty AU stuff.**

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 **DtR xx.**


	2. Chapter 2

**.**

 **Sooo. We liked that did we? Cool, it was a lot of fun to write. Let's have some more shall we.**

 **Just to let you know, by the way, that I'll be taking some liberties with the ages of quite a few people in this story such as the Black sisters who we are about to meet. Here Narcissa is in fifth year with Harriet/Dorothy, Andromeda sixth year and Bellatrix seventh.**

 **Do try not to get all bent out of shape about it and just enjoy the resulting mayhem.**

 **.**

 **I'm not JKR and I don't make any money from this. Which is a bit of a shame.**

 **DtR xx.**

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 **.**

 **A Tale of Two Lillies.**

.

 **2\. I'll Get You My Pretty.**

 **.**

On her journey to the dungeon domain of the snakes Harriet was quite surprised to find that she had gathered quite a little company of interested people hanging back to check her out. Obviously, given her clear insanity which was amply exhibited by her clothing choices and her extremely odd behaviour at the sorting feast, they were doing so from a safe distance. There was some annoying sniggering going on from Snivellous (she was really going to have to try and remember not to call him that) next to her and a fair amount of girlish giggling from just out of her sight which lasted all the way to her new House lodgings but stopped the second that she entered.

Harriet remembered the common room from her and Ron's polyjuice foray into the snake pit in their second year and wasn't really very intereseted in taking another look right now. So she decided to forego the 'what happens in Slytherin stays in Slytherin' speech (which she knew thanks to the very accomodating Daphne Greengrass) in favour of heading straight up to bed so that she could put this mental day firmly in the rear view mirror. Harriet stomped off up the stairs to the girls dorms after a brief altercation with a six foot tall prefect who very sensibly got the hell out of the way when she growled 'move' at him.

She banged violently on each of the doors as she passed them without looking at the name plates, knowing that the one that was her room would automatically open for her. Once again this information had come courtesy of the lovely Miss Greengrass who became quite _chatty_ after being given multiple orgasms in the prefects bathroom one evening. Being a parseltongue with time on her hands and a rather loose sense of sexual morality had made her _very_ popular among a certain set of pure blooded Slytherin girls back in her old time-line.

The bedroom that she finally crashed through the door of was actually quite nice. Harriet thought that all the different shades of green were really very restful which was just what she needed now. But no matter how inviting those two queen sized beds looked, however, it was the sight of her reflection in the tall mirror in the corner that grabbed and held her attention.

She tore off the green trimmed, school outer robe, dropping it where she stood and moved to stand directly in front of the long looking glass fascinated by the image that stared back. An image that was in perfect focus despite the fact that she wasn't wearing any glasses. Okay the dress was still just as horrible as she had imagined it would be but otherwise she was shocked at just how damn _good_ she looked.

For a start the hated scar was gone and for another her hair actually seemed to be behaving itself for once. Hermione's mane may have been (would be?) a bit bushy and un-tamed but hers had always just been a black tangled mess. Not now though. Not today. She brought her hands up and ran them through the glossy raven curls, gave them a quick, vigorous ruffle and then let them drop where they fell into perfect order again.

She squealed excitedly and starting bouncing around grinning widely, her eyes never once leaving her reflection. I mean she knew that as Harriet Potter she wasn't exactly hideous before but without the big, clunky glasses and that awful bloody lightning bolt scar Dorothy Liliceae was a positive _fox_. Morgana's saggy tits she was going to get _sooo_ much pussy.

"Woof!"

No pussy.

"Woof!"

Her good mood evaporated instantly as she spied the vibrating trunk marked 'Dorothy' in large, rainbow coloured letters sitting at the end of one of the beds from which was issuing the muffled barking. Oh that bony bastard was just taking the piss now. Knowing exactly what she would find when she opened the trunk Harriet looked up at the ceiling (and beyond) with narrowed eyes and hisssed out.

"I fucking hate you so much right now, you know that don't you?"

As much as she didn't want to, Harriet had to admit that the little dog that leapt into her arms as she eased the lid up was very cute and adorable. It was some kind of black terrier that she immediately recognised from _that_ hateful fucking movie. It was also a very thirsty looking black terrier. Like it or not she was going to at least have to look after the poor little thing so flipped him onto his back and tickled his belly, smiling a bit at his panting reaction, while she carried him into the bathroom to look for some water.

Having retrieved her abandoned robe and while the admittedly sweet dog was lapping up its water from a re-purposed soap dish the former 'girl-who-lived' took the opportunity to inspect his collar. It was a very pretty collar. Harriet turned it round so that she could see the silver name tag. She wasn't in the least surprised at the name on it as she read it out loud.

"I'm Toto. Press the bone to ask me how." She sighed heavily. "I just _know_ that I'm going to regret this."

She pressed down on the little siver bone.

 **Who summons the Grim Reaper? Down on your face mortal in the presence of your do ...**

"Oh. Hi Harriet."

"What the actual _fuck_ Susan, you scared the shit out of me."

Susan Death took her chastisement along with a good few light slaps about the shoulder with good grace and an abashed look on her face. Apparently she had gotten rather too good with **'the voice'** and she would be the first to admit that it, along with the cloak and the bloody great scythe, did it make her appear a bit ... grim. Still she was ever so happy to be called by here Harriet, the girl she was tentatively starting to call her friend. She didn't have many normal friends. Or any in fact. Not that Harriet was particularly normal. She was getting side tracked, she should say something.

"Sorry about that, I was covering for grandad while he was out getting a curry."

It said a lot about how 'not normal' Harriet was that she seemed to accept this odd explanation of her behaviour without hesitaion or demur.

"Did you find your wand okay?"

"Oh yes. It was in the _apron_ of my _dress_."

Susan had the good manners to look a bit abashed at this. She knew that Harriet wasn't really a dress wearing kind of a girl and just hoped that the fact she had filled her trunk with some of her old favourite clothes that wouldn't look too out of place here (and some fabulous new ones) would be enough to keep the girl on side.

"Yeah sorry about that, I think it might have been grandad's attempt at a joke but he doesn't really 'get' humour. Unfortunately that doesn't put him off trying."

"Hmmm. Talking about your grandad could you do me a _really_ big favour and shit in his curry for me."

Susan chuckled sympathetically.

"The Wizard of Oz references are wearing a bit thin are they?"

"Thin? They're fucking see through." Harriet thought a bit and cuddled Toto to her tightly. "I do like the dog though ... " She was geting all shy again in front of Susan 'the body' Death. " ... and it was very nice of you to fix my eyes and get rid of that horrid bloody scar."

"Well considering that you're supposed to be attempting a seduction here we thought you could use a few advantages, hence the corrected eyesight and the extra cup size ... or two."

Wait. What? How had she not noticed _that_. Stupid bloody dress. Harriet was now so intent on 'weighing and measuring' her new tits and giving herself a good old feel up in the process that she entirely missed what Susan was saying about not letting her run around with one of Voldie's horcruxes in her head. She did notice when the fabulously stacked young woman gave her a big snuggly hug and popped off back to Death land with a cheery 'toodles' though.

.

When she walked back to the bedroom she found that it was now occupied.

Oh my giddy fucking arse she was sharing a room with Narcissa fucking Malfoy. Although at the moment of course it was still Narcissa Black. She was made more aware of this because of the two other girls in the room with them. Andromeda Black and most upsettingly _Bellatrix Black_. Fucking hell. Harriet Potter was in a small room with the intense, creepy girl who would later become the crazed, lunatic monster that had ... or would ... kill her. God she had only been a time traveller for half a day and she already hated it.

Her thoughts on time travel and it's bloody awfulness were rudely interrupted by a tremendously loud 'squee' and she was taken rather aback to be confronted with a pretty blonde with baby blue eyes getting right up in her face. The girl's excitement and enthusiasm were palpable.

"Hi I'm Narcissa Black and I just know that we're going to be the _best_ of friends."

Yeah she really couldn't see it but apparently the blonde was made of stern stuff and was making an impressive attempt to convince her of their new and intimate bond. The now bug eyed Harriet was having rather a hard time trying to reconcile this expressive, bubbly, bouncy blonde teenager with the stone cold, icy bitch that was Draco Malfoy's awful mother. She had barely heard that nasty cow speak more than two words, neither of which were exactly complimentary, but it seemed that her younger self was cursed with boundess optimism and an extremely bad case of verbal diarrhoea.

"You must call me Cissy and I shall call you Dottie."

The other girl totally ignored her 'please don't' comment and immediately began to prattle on about all the _super fun_ things that they were going to do together as the bestest of best friends. After what felt like an hour and a half of this Harriet could feel her eyes lose focus and start to glaze over when, just to make matters worse, Toto poked his head out of her loose robes and gave a sharp little yip.

"Is that a dog?"

Andromeda and Bellatrix spoke together, the one in awe and wonder and the other in suspicion and not a little jealousy. Their blonde younger sister and her brand spanking new BFF and room-mate, however, could not contain her excitement for even a second and had crossed the remaining tiny space between them in a heartbeat, pulling the disgustingly happy little terrier from Harriet's arms and into her own.

"Oh Dottie he's such a cutie." She held the ecsatically tail wagging terrier up mere inches from her face. "Oh yes you are, oh yes you are."

"What's his name?"

Bellatrix almost missed it, so hidden away in the new girl's low mutterings as it was, but right at the very edge of her hearing she just caught it. She didn't fucking believe it mind you and felt the need to clarify the furry black rat's moniker.

"I'm sorry what?"

"Toto."

She held the grumpy and embarrassed, but still insanely hot younger girl in one of her 'special' glares for just too long to be entirely comfortable before remarking.

"You're a _very_ strange girl."

As there were no arguments forthcoming from the mysterious Miss Liliceae to contradict this obvious fact the elder Black sisters decided to retire for the evening. That they chose to do so together in Narcissa's bed seemed to surprise no-one except Harriet who was left wondering where Narcissa was going to sleep. Her answer came quickly ... and inevitably as with a practised movement her blonde room-mate dropped her clothes, stepped nimbly out of them and climbed into Harriet's bed.

Narcissa Black folded her arms across her completely naked (and completely fantastic) breasts and gave her stern look. Toto looked on from the end of her bed with his tongue out and what appeared to be a big grin on his face. She was sure that bloody dog was laughing at her.

"Come on, spit spot, clothes off it's bed time."

Red faced she struggled out of her terrible dress to reveal some rather racy Janet Reger lingerie (obviously Susan's gift to her) underneath it and then bent to remove her boots. This action prompted small cries of 'woah' and 'oh bravo' from the other bed which Harriet pointedly ignored before managing to get herself upright again to face a now broadly smiling Narcissa. A smile which now morphed into a slightly dirty looking leer as she raised an eyebrow and flicked her finger indicating the skimpy attire that protected what small amount was left of her modesty.

"The underwear too, you don't want to get sores from your bra now strap do you?"

Harriet was suddenly _very_ aware of the three pairs of eye rivetted on her as the Black sisters licked their respective lips in anticipation. This was _so_ fucking embarrassing. Well, nothing else for it now. Gryffindors forward she thought and closed her eyes to block out the sight of the staring, leering witches as the last vestiges of her clothing hit the floor ... along with her dignity.

"Well come along then Dottie, I'm not going to bite."

There was a pause and Harriet just knew what was coming next. She really hoped she was wrong but frankly she had never been that lucky and sure enough just as she slipped between the sheets and into the tight, warm embrace of Narcissa Black she heard a breathy whisper in her ear.

"Unless you want me to of course."

She felt a delicate but mischievous little wandering hand give her arse a damn good squeeze and tried very hard not to respond by soaking the sheets with her sudden arousal. Yeah it was official. She was in Hell. Or possibly Heaven. It was bit difficult to tell at the moment what with being all cross eyed and that.

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On Sunday September second 1974 Slytherin House was roused and rounded up in order to take their first breakfast of the year together and a still yawning Harriet found herself trying not to fall back to sleep in her porridge. It didn't take long for her to wake up, however, as soon as her neighbours started in on her.

There had been a good many surreal moments for Harriet Potter in the last twenty four hours; Getting killed, meeting Death, being told that she should never have existed, going back in time, seeing her mum for the first time and then realising that she actually fancied her, being given a dog by Death, sharing a bed and then a morning bath with Narcissa Malfoy. There were many to choose from but this, Harriet decided, was probably the most surreal. An impressive accomplishment considering the list she had just reeled off in her head.

She was hemmed in and surrounded by the feared Black sisters who all seemed quite intent on playing with their entertaining new toy even at the breakfast table.

Bellatrix and Andromeda were on either side of her while their younger sister sat opposite her with a beautific smile gracing her face, chattering on about all the fun things around the castle that they were going to show her today. Half way through Narcissa's monologue Harriet heard the tell-tale clattering of an expensive, heeled shoe hitting the flag stones and she shook her head slightly as her shoulders dropped. She could guess what was coming next.

The excitedly chattering blonde witch across the table nudged her ankles apart, allowing access to the small, stockinged foot that came snaking up under the table and as a playful pinkie scraped up her booted shin Harriet let out a ragged breath. She tried desperately to focus on something else, _anything_ else, to take her mind off the fact that 'Cissy' was sat here playing footsie with her and found her deliverance in the small, fluffy furball that was her new dog.

Toto was clearly having an absolute blast this morning, chasing the post owls up and down the table and leaving destruction in his wake. Strangely his trail of devastation was evoking nothing more than a few grunts of mild dis-pleasure from the boys and some extremely un-Slytherin squeals of delight from the girls. Even the professors seemed unconcerned by his presence and behaviour, the little terrier's antics making more of them smile than frown and Dumbledore was actually laughing. Which was rather strange bearing in mind that she wasn't even supposed to have a dog here as she seemed to remember that it definitely wasn't on the list of approved pets.

She shrugged and guessed it must be some more jiggery pokery from Susan and her grandad. Unfortunately this movement along with the association of the words 'jig' and 'poke' brought Harriet's attention right back to the fact that her 'bestest new BFF' Cissy had her toes tracking up the inside of her thigh now and was wiggling them furiously.

Holy fucking crap on a cracker.

Harriet had decided to give up and let it happen and she was just starting to enjoy it when the foot was suddenly withdrawn leaving her high and dry and causing her to pout so adorably that all of her tormentors 'awwwed' at her. Teasing fucking bitches.

"I fucking hate you all."

Her only reply was the delighted laughter of three very amused girls as they continued to tease their 'poor little Dottie' to distraction over the breakfast delicacies.

.

Lily was at her usual seat at the Ravenclaw table not eating her breakfast. All she seemed to be capable of this morning was staring at the new girl at he Slytherin table. She just couldn't help herself. There was something about this Dorothy Girl that drew her in like a moth to the flame. And she wasn't the only one she thought as she watched the Black sisters lavishing their strange attentions on the gorgeous little Slytherin witch.

Lily Evans snorted and sprayed pumpkin juice all over her pancakes as she saw Dorothy Liliceae give her a pleading look and mouthed the words 'help me' at her across the hall.

It was true that the girl had come off as more than a touch stroppy and mentally challenged at the sorting feast last night and the clothes she was wearing when she arrived yesterday definitely hadn't helped with that. This morning, however, she was looking a lot more relaxed and a lot more fun. Better dressed too.

The saucy red boots looked to be a permanent feature (oh no what a shame _that_ was) but the godawful pinafore dress had been replaced by a faded yellow Hollyhead Harpies sweater that had been lengthened just enough so that it reached down to the middle of her thighs. With her loosely curled raven hair out of those unflattering braids and now flowing over her shoulders the girl made for an absolutely panty dampening sight.

She had never really considered herself much of a 'witches witch' before last night (there had been a few experimental fumblings) but there was something about this girl that was doing some very odd things to her. You know ... _down there_. Maybe it was her 'don't give a fuck' attitude or her adorably cute, short stature. Or maybe it was the way those incredible tits of hers seemed to strain the fabric of her dress so that they looked as if they would burst from their textile prison at any moment.

Yeah probably that one.

No. Not that one. God what was she thinking? She was doing something that she had sworn she would never do. She was letting her hormones and her raging libido over-ride her brains. Just think about this for a minute Lily, do what you do best and really think about it. She knew what to do. Digging around in her always present book bag Lily pulled out parchment and ink and began to make a list.

.

 _ **The Lily Evans 'Do I ask out Dorothy Liliceae' List.**_

 _ **Pros;**_

 _ **Unbelievably gorgeous.**_

 _ **Smile that can light up the room.**_

 _ **Very cute dog.**_

 _ **Very cute arse.**_

 _ **Magnificent tits.**_

 _ **Cons;**_

 _ **Has a temper.**_

 _ **May not be very bright.**_

 _ **Clearly insane.**_

 _ **Will very likely end up being shagged by one or all of the Black sisters.**_

.

Lily Evans looked at the last item and felt nauseous. Oh fucking hell she was jealous.

"You know Lily dear, the harder you fight it the worse it will be."

"Thanks Pan'. Really needed to hear that right now."

"That's alright sweetie it's what I'm here for." Pandora beamed at her best friend. "Look, why don't you just try being her friend first Lils. You always got on well with Cissy Black didn't you?"

"Yeah."

"So go over there, introduce yourself and talk to the poor girl rather than just either glowering at her or mooning over her."

"I do _not_ moon over her." Seeing the frank dis-belief on Pandora's face she relented. "Okay so I may moon over her a bit but that doesn't necessarilly mean that I want to shag her." Another long pause followed. "Okay so I may want to shag her but ... "

Lily was prevented from embarrassing herself any further by her friend putting a finger to her lips and engaging what Lily called her resolve face before gesturing with her head in the direction of the Slytherin table. It said something pretty bloody damning about where her head was at when Pandora Scamander was the voice of reason in their weird little relationship. Girding her loins Lily rose with eyes closed and took a few deep breaths before heading across the great hall. Which meant that she didn't see the blonde next to her swipe that rather incriminating list that she had just been working on and pocket it with a devious smile.

Almost inevitably by the time she had finally managed to gather her courage enough to go over there Dorothy had already left the Slytherin table for a tour of the castle in the company of the Black sisters. Bugger. Oh well perhaps Lily could catch her and Narcissa at dinner tonight and hopefully without her scary older sisters hanging around.

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Bellatrix Black wasn't often surprised by people but Dorothy Liliceae was proving to be an exception.

Instead of flapping about and then running a mile at being subjected to the dubious honour of beng the unofficial plaything of the terrifying Black sisters she had actually seemed to enjoy the attention. Admitedly there had been some initial wariness on the girl's part, especially with her for some reason, but soon she was giving as good as she got with all the (mostly) good natured teasing. It was as if she didn't give a damn about their reputation. All three of them were well known seducers of witches and she couldn't believe that the girl didn't know that. She just didn't seem to care.

They were purebloods from a powerful, ancient and aristocratic family and had no illusions about being allowed to marry for love. They would be used to strengthen ties with another house at best and auctioned off to the highest bidder at worst, but in either case they were expected to be 'pure' at the time of their wedding. This didn't mean that they couldn't have a little fun of the female variety first though. As long as they were careful and their hymen remained intact it was considered as perfectly normal for a girl awaiting an arrangement to take a female lover or two in school.

She herself had been more than happy to take advantage of this understanding for the last few years and Andi had been far behind her in that regard. Until the last term of last year that is. There were still rules, they were expected to keep it to pure blood witches and they also expected to keep it within Slytherin house. Bella suspected that the middle Black sister had been breaking both of these rules and was hoping that she could prevent any issues arising by encouraging her interest in the sexy little new girl.

Liliceae was an _old_ wizarding name, although they hadn't sent their children to Hogwarts for a good few generations, so there was no doubting her purity and obviously she qualified on the Slytherin front. What Bella wasn't so sure about was whether she swung that way. Cissy had been about as subtle as a house brick in her pursuit of 'hot Dottie' but had so far received nothing in return other than some snuggling and a few rather impressive blushes from the girl. Now, however, a confrontation was brewing that was going to give her that answer.

It looked as if that little prick Malfoy was making a move on her. She was _so_ obvious in her dislike of the arrogant young wizard that it should prove extremely entertaining when she slapped him down hard.

Oh yeah, this should be _really_ good. Gathering her sisters and picking up the rat dog (that she was in no way totally in love with) she shoo-ed some studying third years off of a conveniently placed couch and got they all got themselves comfortable to watch the show. As expected, 'their Dottie' did _not_ disappoint. She also answered Bella's previous question about her sexuality.

.

There was not a sound in the common room other than the nasal whine of Malfoy's outrage at being denied a 'go' on the newest fifth year and her bubbling, snorting laughter at it. When he attempted to push it though things got very serious, very quickly.

"Let me make this very clear to you _Lucy._ All of this ... " She used her hands to gesture to her entire body. " ... is a witches only zone ... and even if it wasn't I still wouldn't be interested in any kind of 'interraction' with an ugly, ignorant, small ... minded, _wanker_ like you." She smiled, sudden and bright. "'Kay?"

As she turned from the scarlet faced, blonde aristocrat she heard him screech in rage and felt a hand reaching for her shoulder. Knowing full well that Lucius' nature wouldn't allow him to be humiliated in such a public fashion by a mere witch Harriet was ready for exactly that kind of move from him. Was banking on it in fact. Since she had first laid eyes on him here last night she had been straining at the leash to give him a severe slapping for the part he had played ... would play ... might play in the Department of Mysteries, for insulting Hermione and giving that fucking diary to Ginny. It helped that he was just as much of an irredeemable twat in his younger incarnation as he would be later in life.

Interestingly she had not had a similar reaction to Bellatrix who had seemed to be an entirely reasonable, if a bit stand offish, witch at this point in time. Not that she had been particularly stand offish with her today, joining in the teasing and joking around with more enthusiasm and humour than Harriet had thought possible from Bellatrix 'Mental' Lestrange. Maybe she only went crazy when the Dark Tosser got his hooks in her. If so it provided an opportunity to strip him of one of his finest and most dedicated fighters before they ever even got started.

Speaking of which ... It was time for Mister Malfoy's lesson on why one should never insult a lady.

Harriet grinned as she grabbed his reaching fingers in a firm ju-jitsu grip, knee-ed him in the balls, twisted his arm up behind his back almost to the top of his shoulder blade and, getting a fist full of long blonde hair yanked his head back. looking right into his eyes without the slightest hint of emotion of any kind she spoke slowly, clearly and succinctly, relaying her message not just to Lucy but to every other male in the Snake Pit.

"Put your hands on me again fuck-tard and I will cut off your balls with rusty knife and feed them to you raw. Am I understood?"

Deciding that his slobbering, hitching pants for breath were not the answer that she required Harriet reasoned that he probably needed some assistance in formulating his reply.

"AM ... I ... FUCK ... ING ... UNDER ... STOOD ...YOU ... DICK ... HEAD."

Each syllable was punctuated by one of those very pretty , very dainty, red, knee length boots crashing violently into Lucius' private gentleman's area. And because she was very angry and very frustrated and very pissed off, not just at his inept attempts to woo her but at the whole situation that had brought her to this time and place, she kept on kicking.

Harriet only stopped when her foot started to hurt. Then she stood back and regarded the whimpering young man before very slowly and deliberately pulling her wand and aiming it at the immobile and defenceless idiot. A very nasty smile spread across her face and she hissed out.

" _Volatilis Lutum_." Her smile morphed into an evil grin. "That's for Ginny you fuck."

The already battered wizard seemed to have found his voice again as he recieved the fabled 'Weasley special' bat bogey hex. Lucius' screams as he flailed desperately at his now sore and bleeding face were to become the stuff of legend and a cautionary tale for all those arrogant, misogynist pricks in the snake pit who believed that they were untouchable.

Everyone was dead silent.

Even Bellatrix was stunned at the level of violence that the short, deceptively cute looking girl had just meted out to the hapless Malfoy but then she was also massively turned on by it so she didn't really count.

Then there was an enormous cheer from all of the watching girls.

On her second night in the dungeon dormitory Miss Dorothy Liliceae, formerly Harriet Potter the golden girl of Gryffindor, had just become the undisputed 'Queen of Pain' of Slytherin House and official heroine to every witch who wore the green and silver.

The three Black sisters were gazing at Harriet in total and utter adoration and applauding her enthusiastically while Toto sat on Narcissa's lap and yipped along in support, clearly enjoying the show. Like they needed any more encouragement to spend another night 'getting to know' their newest little friend.

"Oh fuck me sideways."

As she noticed Bellatrix's eyes light up at her muttered statement Harriet thought that she was really going to have start watching what she said around her. Not that either of the other two sisters were any better mind you.

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 **.**

 **As usual I write for me but reviews are always nice and I'd certainly never turn them away, just don't get caught up in the whole 'they would never do that' trap. This is all going to be pretty AU stuff.**

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 **DtR xx.**


	3. Chapter 3

**.**

 **Wow I've had some lovely reviews for this story so a big thank-you to everyone that has taken the time to do so. Happily for you guys this has encouraged me to keep charging along at a much faster rate than I normally manage so congrats on getting another update out of me in such in a short time.**

 **As for this chapter? Well here come the marauders with a little prank that could cause more than a few problems for our heroine.**

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 **I'm not JKR and I don't make any money from this. Which is a bit of a shame.**

 **DtR xx.**

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 **A Tale of Two Lillies.**

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 **3\. And Your Little Dog Too.**

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Harriet's little spat with Lucius Malfoy had ocurred within the walls of the Slytherin common room where the only witnesses were those who prided themselves on keeping their quarrels in House. These people were trained from birth about the ways of subtelty and subterfuge and they knew how to keep their secrets. As such it was almost inevitable that the entire population of Hogwarts would know about it within hours which was made abundantly clear to her when she entered the great hall for breakfast the next morning.

The instant that she passed the threshold of the hall she was serenaded by Miss Nancy Sinatra played through a multitude of hidden and charmed speakers that were dotted about the place. Harriet's eye twitched dangerously as she recognised the song, who it was aimed at and the idiotic, grinning, black haired git that had most likely been the prime mover behind this prank.

.

 _You keep sayin', you've got somethin' for me,_

 _Somethin' you call love, but confess,_

 _You've been messin', where you shouldn't have been messin',_

 _And now someone else is gettin' all your best,_

.

Having drawn level with him Harriet instantly changed direction and clambered over the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff tables in order to get at her target, showing off her now legendary ruby red gogo boots in the process. She also plucked somebody's copy of the Daily Prophet out of their surprised hands and rolled it up as she walked the last few yards, although she was sadly unable to stop herself from swinging her shoulders as the song's chorus kicked in.

.

 _These boots were made for walkin',_

 _And that's just what they'll do,_

 _One of these days these boots are gonna,_

 _Walk all over you._

.

Sirius Black was watching her approach and sniggering with his friends at her right up to the point that she hit him hard across the nose with the rolled up newspaper.

"Bad dog." She smirked through her 'serious face' at her future (but maybe not now) god father and repeated. "Bad."

Harriet then turned on her heel without further comment and sauntered off back to her own table winking at the startled headmaster as she passed the teachers' table, leaving the four utterly dumbstruck marauders in her wake. Even professor McGonagall was staring at her open mouthed although she did think that she saw the trace of a smile beginning on her thin lips and decided to give her a little wink too.

The cheering and hooting that this small act of petty revenge elicited from the Slytherin section of the great hall was louder and more wild than she would have believed possible. Of course the fact that it was led by the three scary Black sisters was encouraging some to participate more enthusiastically than they would otherwise have done but most didn't need to be cajoled. The four annoying fifth year Gryffindor boys that called themselves the marauders had been a well known and bloody nasty little thorn in the side of nearly all of them at one point or another in the last few years. Harriet's new popularity within Slytherin House and her reputation as someone with whom you most certainly did _not_ want to fuck may also have helped with this.

No-one had been more affected by the Gryffindor quartet than Severus Snape and so no-one cheered louder than he. Even Cissy, Andi and Bella were drowned out by the usually quiet and unassuming boy's joyful celebrations at 'hot Dottie's' smackdown of the hated Potter and his moronic friends. In some ways it was even more entertaining than seeing that arrogant, moneyed little shit Malfoy get his arse well and truly handed to him by the short witch with the even shorter temper.

She was like Bellatrix Black but with a much better sense of humour.

.

This time Lily was ready for her. This time Dorothy would not be getting away from her without at least an introduction and hopefully providing the red head with some answers to her questions. And there were a lot more of those now. Like how an unknown transfer student who had apparently been home schooled for all of her life to date knew that the ridiculous Sirius Black was an animagus and that his form was dog. Of sorts.

Ten minutes before the bell signalling the end of breakfast was due to ring and as her three black hearted protectresses left, presumably to gather their things for class (or perhaps sacrifice a couple of first years), she sprang her trap.

Seconds after her three breakfast companions had departed for the bathroom with her dog Harriet was just putting the last of her books in order and munching on a final piece of toast and jam when she felt a looming presence over her. Oh no she thought, please don't let it be her, please don't let it be her, _please_ don't let it be ...

"Hello Miss Liliceae, I'm Lily Evans."

Cocking fuck.

"Um ... hi?"

Really not being ready to talk to her mum, who she was in the middle of developing an enormous bloody crush on, Harriet's eyes flicked around desperately looking for an escape route. Seeing none currently available she wondered if she could avoid this conversation if she ran really fast or maybe just rolled over and played dead.

"If you're thinking about running ... _don't_."

Apparently not then.

"We need to have a conversation, you and I. I want to know how recognised me and I want to know how you knew about Sirius Black and one way or another you're _going_ to tell me."

Shit.

"Miss Liliceae, the headmaster would like a word if you have a moment."

Salvation came in the very unlikely and particularly gross form of her Head of House, professor Slughorn. The headmaster wanted to see her which meant that old grandpa whiskers had probably also noticed that she had just called bullshit on a supposedly secret animagus. This could prove to be a worryingly uncomfortable and somewhat dangerous conversation in itself but given the choice she much preferred morning tea with Dumbles over getting creamed by her overly inquisitive and all too distracting mum.

Harriet was bound to let something she shouldn't slip to the red head simply because she was paying more attention to the hot little witch's tits than actually following the conversation. Yeah definitely safer with the old nutter then. The headmaster may be just as inquisitive as Lily but at least she wouldn't be staring at his crotch the whole time.

Eeuww. She threw up a bit in her mouth at this horrible image.

No matter how far to the actual shit the morning had gone, however, Harriet couldn't really regret her actions. She had been itching to do that thing with the newspaper ever since her dog father had come back into her life and he had, rather sportingly, handed her the perfect opportunity this morning by pranking her while they were both the same age. Technically anyway. Of course it wasn't exactly subtle and had obviously raised a few red flags with the people that knew of the hound's animaus form. ie. Lily, the other marauders, McGonagall and, now that she thought about it, most worryingly ... Dumbledore.

Dumbledore the master leglimens.

Double shit.

Susan was _not_ going to be happy with her.

Still, she thought that it would probably beat the hell out of a very fucked up and uncomfortable game of twenty questions with Lily Evans by quite a considerable distance so she gave a shrug and a regretful smile to the Ravenclaw witch and followed her head of House out of the hall. Harriet tried _really_ hard not to skip along behind him in relief.

.

Dumbledore's office was pretty much as she remembered it, cluttered with the detritus of a lifetime of collecting odd trinkets and interesting books, minus those spinning and puffing silver objects that she knew had been linked to her welfare of course. The old man too was a very familiar presence with only the possible lack of a wrinkle or two to distinguish him from his older self. He was just as odd too.

"Miss Liliceae thank-you so much for making time for me this morning, it must be very time consuming making all of these new friends and acquaintances that you seem to be gathering."

Despite how stark raving bonkers he seemed to be most of the time Harriet knew that her headmaster was anything but stupid and his questions, no matter how inane or asinine, were _always_ leading somewhere. She was going to have to be very careful here not to give any indications of just where or more precisely _when_ she had come from. She decided that a kind of cheerful and semi truthful approach was probably the best defence here against his friendly probing.

Everyone considered her to be more than a bit strange anyway and she knew that 'odd' Albus Dumbledore did love talking to a fellow weirdo so she was going to play the irrepressible lunatic angle to the full.

"I know it's absolutely _exhausting_ headmaster especially since my new maniacal little band of BFFs are so ... um ... how do I put this ... attentive?"

"Yes I noticed that the Black sisters seem to be rather taken with you." He peered at her over the top of his glasses and smiled slyly. "You must be a quite remarkable young woman to have all three of them eating out of the palm of your hand as they so clearly do. Would you care to hazard a guess as to how you managed that impressive feat?"

She appeared to be gazing into space with a glazed look on her face rather reminiscent of the delightfully quirky Miss Scamander. He coughed politely and tried again.

"Miss Liliceae?"

"Sorry sir, when you said that thing about 'eating out' in relation to Cissy, Andi and Bella I kind of zoned out there for a bit." She let out a sexually charged, shuddering sigh before shaking her head. "Sorry what what is it that you wanted to know?"

"How did you manage to ... ah ... _befriend_ the Blacks."

"Oh. Hmmm, well I don't know really." She flashed him a wicked grin. "Animal magnetism?"

Oh he liked this girl. She was _fun_. And her answer was quite revealing in a subtle, if rather a naughty, kind of a way. Albus guessed that she was either an animagus herself or that she could actually sense it in others, both explanations meaning that she posessed a very rare magical talent indeed.

"You are a _very_ strange young woman Miss Liliceae."

"Oh."

"No it was a compliment my dear." He smiled at her with that favourite grandfather twinkle in his eye. "It so rare to find someone who approaches their education from a different direction. Now take my own subject Transfiguration for example, the possibilities for a mind that doesn't see the world in such an ordered and orderly manner as most people do are truly wonderful. Contrary to the perceived wisdom, imagination when transfiguring can produce the most marvellous and exciting results."

Albus' excitement and enthusiasm shone through in his twinking eyes and his huge grin which she returned in equal measure. Now _here_ was the professor Dumbledore that she had always wished for him to be.

"It is also rather fun to break the rules is it not?"

.

An hour later while making her way down the spiral staircase she couldn't quite believe that she had got away with that. Avoiding the hard questions and a possible leglimency probe by deflecting the old weirdo into a discussion on the benefits of a ... _different_ ... mind when dealing with complex magical theories in transfiguration. If only she'd thought of that in her previous go through. Although since she was the famously grumpy and intemperate 'girl-who-lived' then she supposed that it wouldn't really have worked anyway. In _this_ time, however, she was an unknown quantity. She had the opportunity to really let loose and be the person that she had always dreamed of being.

It was the classic 'clean slate'. A chance, as Dorothy Liliceae, to do all the things that she would never have been able to do as Harriet Potter. This thought made her grin so much that her reputation as a totally out of control, drooling lunatic was reinforced upon all of those who saw it.

Harriet decided to celebrate her success by skipping what remained of her first class, History of Magic. Like she needed to sit through Binns droning on about the fucking Goblin wars _again_. Especially since she had already done her fifth year and had no illusions that the boring old ghost's curriculum would be any different in this time-line. She was about to head for the library when she came upon the most incredible sight as she was crossing the entrance hall which brought her to sudden and extremely shocked halt.

Cissy's eldest sister, who either had a free period or was skipping class like her, was tucked away in an obsure window seat, cuddling Harriet's terrier, stroking him into a catatonic stupor and cooing gently at him.

"Who's Belly Bell's sweet little puppy?"

Oh this was just _too_ fucking precious. Harriet sneaked up and announced herself by answering 'Belly Bell's question with one of her own.

"Oooh, is it me?"

"Eeep!"

She snorted in a most un-ladylike manner, never having imagined that such a sound could have come from the fearsome Bellatrix Black and rather proud that she had been the one to make her do it.

"Although I always saw myself more as some kind of kitten really."

She swayed her hips a little more than was absolutely necessary as she approached the former/future/maybe never now Death Eater.

"You know all sweet and cuddly and ... _playful_."

A slim finger stroked down the older girl's cheek before slipping under her chin and pushing gently upwards to close Bella's now wide open mouth. Pausing to run the same mischievous digit around ruby lips Harriet pulled it away just those same lips looked to be about to attempt to suck it in. Two could play at the teasing game and the Black sisters' behaviour of the last couple of days deifinitely called for a little payback.

"Right then shall we take this young man for a walk."

Bellatrix folllowed meekly and obediently as Dottie strode quickly to the main entrance and out into the grounds with the exciteable Toto running literal rings around her. She was a bit confused as to _why_ she was doing this but since she was being presented with the _very_ nice view of the other girl's superb bum swaying a few feet in front of her, decided that she wouldn't be complaining any time soon.

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Potions had never exactly been Harriet's favourite subject, due in no small part to the greasy haired dungeon bat that she was currently staring at from the doorway of the classroom. He had been an utterly hateful git to her from the first moment that she had stepped foot through the doors of Hogwarts in her original time. Both in and out of his classes they had sneered, spat and argued through their enforced acquaintance and their mutual dislike of one another hadn't dimmed even slightly over the years. It hadn't exactly left her with a love of his subject either and left her with a lack of understanding in the subtle art an science of potion making that was reflected pretty accurately in her apalling grades.

Harriet was unbelievably shit at Potions and a good proportion of the blame for that could be layed squarely at the feet of her previous teacher Severus Snape. She ignored the vacant looking Hufflepuffs currently situating themselves and focused solely on her former nemesis.

Now Harriet Potter had quite a few flaws in her character of which she was more than well aware and the ability to hold a grudge was one of her best and/or worst. She didn't just hold grudges she grabbed them by the throat and squeezed every last nasty, vindictive little drop out of them. However, there was a reason that the sorting at had wanted to put her in Slytherin the first time around and her next thoughts were an indication of why.

She smelled an opportunity here, both to actually, finally learn something useful about this subject and also to relieve the 'Dark Wanker' of another of his disciples. Bellatrix and Severus had been Voldie's most intelligent and therefore most dangerous lieutenants and to strip him of both before he got going would be a bit of a coup for her. It might even impress Susan Death enough that she would allow Harriet to give her a bit of a grope by way of a thank-you. Now there was an incentive that she could really get behind.

Grabbing the hand of her blonde room-mate, who had already admitted her own lack of talent in this area, she guided them over to the solitary boy at the large potions station right at the front of the room. This was a tricky approach and required some careful thought to get it right. Unfortunately as this was not really Harriet's forte, in the end she just went with bright and cheerful which, if he was anything his older self, was pretty much guaranteed to piss him off.

"Hi Sevvie, what's cooking?"

Blanching slightly at the overly familiar form of address, he narrowed his eyes as he glanced suspiciously at the two grinning girls

"What do you two want?"

'Hot Dottie' pouted and tried to look offended. She didn't pull it off very well.

"Can't the two most beautiful and fabulous witches in Hogwarts just want to hang out with their favourite little potions genius?"

"I'm hardly a genius."

"Oh come on Sev, you can brew this potion in your fucking sleep. Give a couple of dim but incredibly pretty under achievers a break and help us out won't you ... _please_."

"And what do I get out of this ... _arrangement_."

"Oh that's easy." She smiled brightly at him, noticing his shocked reaction. "You get the friendship and protection of the awesome and popular Black sisters, and yours truly of course, and we get a passing score in Potions and a couple of decent exam results down the line. Everyone wins."

It was the very smallest and very briefest of nods.

His apparently grudging consent given the two girls positioned themselves either side of him at the front of the class and started unloading their own books and equipment. Not being used to being surrounded by very pretty and very fragrant young women, for some reason his rather dour demeanour appeard to put them off, Severus was quickly overcome and stumbled away to gather their ingredients for today's brew. And also to take a few deep breaths and try and clam his rapid heartbeat. He knew that he didn't have a shot with either of the insanely gorgeous witches but that certainly didn't stop his physical reaction to them.

Cissy watched him go with a good deal of amusement before leaning over and whispering into the delicate and delectable ear of her clever new partner in crime who was _still_ frustratingly refusing to put out for her.

"The sorting hat got you bang on didn't it Dottie." Cissy was giggling quietly into her hand now. "Slytherin to the marrow."

.

A particularly good and amusement filled lunch with Andi and Bella had run on a touch too long and now they were late for their afternoon class. Double Transfiguration. The professor was _not_ amused.

"Alright then, now that everbody's _finally_ here." Cissy, Harriet and Severus were all subjected to the infamous McGonagall glare as they slid into the remaining spare seats. "Who can tell me something about the animagus form in terms of how it relates to transfiguration?"

As Harriet had suspected she would McGonagall ignored everyone else and looked straight at her. Fuck.

"Miss Liliceae?"

"Well professor." Harriet drew in a deep breath. "While transfiguration is important in the first stages of learning to become an animagus, without a good knowledge of the subject one would become hopelessly lost, it is _not_ an actual transfiguration. For example: if Vikt ... _someone_ can transfigure his head into a shark's to go deep sea swimming underwater that doesn't mean he is an Animagus. It just means he's very good at transfiguration. Transfiguration is a form of spell-casting, whereas becoming an Animagus is forever. They are certainly linked but they are still two totally seperate forms of magic."

She paused for another quick breath and before McGonagall could jump in and congratulate her on her answer she continued with a very devious smirk on her face.

"What's not so well known of course is that a person's animagus form will often reflect their own personalities with a great deal of accuracy."

"I ... see. You have examples?"

Was she hearing things? Had professor 'goody two shoes' Minerva McGonagall just actively encouraged her to prank the marauders? Harriet smirked and leapt on the opportunity with glee.

"I do professor. For one example, a very cowardly bottom feeder who hangs around those more powerful and intelligent than themselves might become, oh say, a _rat_ when they transform."

McGonagall's eyes twinkled in mirth.

"Wheras someone who has delusions of his own grandeur and prowess and a great big stick up his supposedly noble arse might become a _stag_ ... for another example."

There was a slight choking cough to join the now more prevalent twinkling from the amused Transfiguration Mistress.

"And then of course there could be the idiot who believes himself to be 'Merlin's gift' to witches who would quite obviously transform into a scraggy, shaggy _dog_ that spends more time licking his own balls than doing anything interesting or constructive."

The slight cough had become a definite choking attempt to stifle bubbling laughter. This was something that counted as uproarious behaviour in the stern and expressionless world of Minerva McGonagall and Harriet buffed her nails on the lapel of her school robes in pride as the twitching professor calmed herself enough to sqeak out.

"A very comprehensive answer Miss Liliceae. Ten points to Slytherin."

Ten Points. Ten whole points. Harriet had never received ten points from the grumpy old cat for _anything_... like _ever_. It was a Hogwarts miracle that made getting killed, then resurrected and sent twenty one years back into the past seem rather commonplace. Harriet Potter had just got ten bloody points. Well actually Dorothy Liliceae had just gotten ten bloody points but she was still counting it.

 _Ten points_.

Ten points which she then immediately proceeded to lose by crossing her eyes, poking out her tongue and giving the stunned marauders the finger with both hands while the professor's back was turned. As she should have remembered from her previous time-line, McGonagall saw _everything_.

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It had taken her all day to do it but Lily Evans had finally managed to corner Harriet alone while she was walking her dog before heading to the great hall for dinner.

She grabbed the little Slytherin witch while Pandora scooped up the darling, tiny, black terrier and they were both unceremoniously bundled into a small, abandoned classroom. Locking, blocking and warding the door the red headed Ravenclaw and her strange blonde accomplice advanced on a distinctly nervous looking Harriet Potter. Lily had her prey set firmly in her sights and she was not about to let her get away now. It was time for some answers. She leapt straight in.

"So how did you know about Sirius Black?"

Harriet decided that her diversionary tactics were not going to work as well on Lily as they had done on the headmaster this morning she felt that her only viable options were to be weird and play dumb. Literally. Although in truth this was not hard for her as the confused and slightly horny state that the red head put her in whenever she looked at her like _that_ made forming any kind of coherent thought quite challenging.

"Err ... Nargles?"

"Oooh I hadn't though about that Lils ... but it could be you know."

"Pandora Scamander, I don't know _how_ she knows these things but whatever it is, I can guarantee you that it is definitely _not_ related to fucking nargles."

"Well it _could_ be. I ... um ... are you okay Dottie?"

The spacey blonde stopped her pouting argument with Lily as she noticed that the small, dark witch seemed to be staring at her with her mouth open.

"Scamander? You're ... you're not related to _Newt_ Scamander by any chance are you?"

"You know daddy?"

Harriet's jaw dropped open at this.

"Well ... Duh ... _yeah_ ... he's only the most unbelievably brilliant author of 'Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them'. It's like my favourite book _ever_!" Harriet was positively gushing at this point. "And he's your dad? _Lucky_."

"Yes I am. And daddy will be thrilled that you like it so much, you must be a very fast reader though Dottie, it was only released last week."

Shit.

"So you have purchased and read a book that was only released on Friday and it has so affected you that it has instantly become your 'most favourite book like ever'." Lily did a fair impersonation of Harriet's excited voice at this point before continuing. "That's what you're telling us."

Lily had that scowling, suspicious look on her face again.

"That's me. My nose is always in a .. book."

The sweet, innocent little girl expression that usually worked so well on teachers, parents and cynics of all varieties didn't appear to be cutting any ice at all with the lovely Miss Evans. She lifted her her eyebrow and favoured Harriet with a 'look' that would have done Hermione proud.

"I find that _very_ hard to believe."

Lily scoffed quietly. Harriet heard it and didn't like that she'd basically just been called stupid, even if that was actually part of the plan here. She decided to go on the attack, using the red head's obvious attraction to her (seriously even when she was annoyed at her that girl just could not take her eyes off of her tits for more than two seconds) and moved in close, putting an extra sexy husk in her voice as she replied.

"Really? You ... you don't believe that I just _love_ putting my nose in between those pale folds and breathing in the heady aroma of ... _ink_... belore getting down to the business of devouring the ... _words_ ... on the page.

Okay so it was juvenile and more than a little dirty but then so was she.

And it had the desired effect as Lily went bright red, seemed to be having quite a lot of difficulty breathing and entirely forgot that she was supposed to be grilling Dorothy for information here. Pandora just giggled at her friend's total inability to defend against the sexy little Slytherin and after a few half hearted attempts to rouse Lily from her sudden paralysis, she shrugged and let the other girl out of the room. It didn't seem like they were going to be getting any answers today after all. Oh well at least it wasn't a total loss since she had got to cuddle a cute puppy and now had the opportunity to ensure that her best friend's happiness was well on the road to being secured.

Pandora stopped Harriet on her way out and gave her an enthusiastic hug, during which she managed to slip Lily's incriminating and embarrassing list of reasons to ask 'hot Dottie' out or not into the other girl's pocket, then stood back and waved her goodbye. She called after her that she would ask her daddy for an autographed copy of his book for her and received a blinding smile and a heartfelt 'thanks' in response before she disappeared around the corner. Thinking that she had just made a fun new friend the blonde turned back to the problem of how she was going to snap her existing friend out of her trance.

After a few minutes to think and to let Dottie get a bit further away, she settled on the time honoured tradition of the short, sharp, shock.

 _SLAP!_

The result was instantaneous.

"Oww, what the fuck Pan' ... what's going on ... where did that little skank go?"

Having been derailed from her questioning _again_ , this time by her own traitorous body and it's less than pure reactions to her scheming little trollop of a target's very unorthodox but very effective methods of avoidance, Lily Evans screamed in annoyance and fustration.

" _FUCK!_ " The loud expletive echoed through the halls and corridors of Hogwarts and even made Pandora jump, something that very few people ever achieved. "I'll get you Dorothy Liliceae, just you _wait_."

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 **As usual I write for me but reviews are always nice and I'd certainly never turn them away, just don't get caught up in the whole 'they would never do that' trap. This is all going to be pretty AU stuff.**

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 **DtR xx.**


	4. Chapter 4

**.**

 **A few people have now asked if Harriet/Dorothy is going to have a harem and the answer is ... Maybe. I have a few ideas and honestly I don't know yet but probably yes if I can work out how to do it without making it seem overly ridiculous. Although with the nature of this story and how it's evolving in my head I may just shrug my shoulders and decide to do it anyway.**

 **Ready for some action then? And by action of course I mean boom-chick-a-bow-bow action.**

 **Enjoy.**

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 **I'm not JKR and I don't make any money from this. Which is a bit of a shame.**

 **DtR xx.**

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 **A Tale of Two Lillies.**

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 **4\. It's Not Where You Go.**

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After the run in with Lily Evans, Harriet had taken the trip to the great hall to meet up with her friends for dinner at something of a run. This was not only to put as much distance as possible between her and the scary Ravenclaw red head but also to burn off some of the excess energy that their interraction had given her. True she had escaped easily enough but the sexually charged means of her avoidance had left her quite antsy in the pants region and now Harriet was frustrated and horny.

So she and her little terrier ran and didn't stop until she and Toto skidded to a halt and respectively thumped and jumped into the seats next to Narcissa. Harriet immediately wrapped her arms around the other girl and buried her head into the sensitve skin at the crook of her neck, giving it a soft, little kiss.

"Hello Dottie." Cissy chuckled at her room-mate's antics though she was rather surprised at the girl's blatant display of affection. "Miss me did you?"

Harriet nodded which made her silky black locks rub up and down the exposed skin of her friend's neck and causing her to shudder deliciously. She looked up at Cissy with a warm and slightly naughty look in her eyes, kissed her on the cheek and turned to fill her plate while bringing their linked arms below the surface of the table and out of sight.

Grabbing Cissy's hand she placed it on her on her thigh and began to move it around in slow, firm circles until, after a minute or so, the other girl took the hint and continued without her assistance. It wasn't until she encountered nothing but warm flesh above the stocking top that the blonde Black sister realised that Dottie must have hitched her skirt up. Way up she thought as her searching fingers came into contact with the bad girl's tiny, lace panties. Tiny, lace panties that were more than a little ... damp.

Cissy's eyebrows shot up almost past her hairline and she stopped her stroking in surprise, letting out a small squeak.

"Now that was a funny noise." Bellatrix peered at her sister suspiciously. "You alright there are you sis'?"

"Of course. You know how much I love ravioli." She forked a small portion of the pasta treat into her mouth. "Mmmmm."

The exclamation of pleasure certainly didn't need to be forced from her. Well not after Dottie had reclaimed her hidden hand as she was speaking, pushed it underneath the lacy trap of her unmentionables and encouraged more stroking. More ... _intimate_... stroking.

"Mmm, mmmmm."

She nearly forgot the food as her low moan sounded, decided that the twitching witch next to her could probably do with a bit of cover for what was about to happen, re-filled her utensil and went to feed her herself. Narcissa's loaded fork entered into Dottie's mouth just as two of her fingers slipped through the girl's extremely wet entrance and into her over-heated core.

"Oh sweet Morgana that's good."

Cissy's fingers started to slowly pump in and out of her neighbour as she fed them both alternating forkfulls of her dinner leading to the raven haired hottie eliciting all sorts of fun little noises of enjoyment from them both. This had the effect of causing a girl a few seats down who was watching to pull an empty plate towards her shyly saying.

"I think I'll have what they're having."

They didn't stop until the food was all gone and only then did those naughty little fingers slide from their sticky prison with a soft, wet pop that went unheard by all but them. Narcissa lifted the most honoured fingers to her nose and inhaled deeply before slipping them into her mouth and surrupticiously tasting her room-mate's essence with a dreamy, faraway smile on her face. She turned to her equally smiling and slightly flushed neighbour and asked.

"Dessert?"

"Oh _hell_ yes."

.

The return to the Slytherin girls dorms was taken at a somewhat break-neck pace for the two fifth years. Well in between several stops to retrieve dropped bags snapped high heels or a certain small, black terrier whose short, little legs were struggling to keep with them. More speed did not necesarily mean greater haste since their resulting accidents were becoming all too frequent.

Neither of them was in any postion to notice Andi and Bella easily keeping pace behind them along with most of the rest of their House and they were considerably less alone than they had intended to be when the door to their bedroom was finally reached. As such it took a frustratingly long time to explain to the older Blacks that they really weren't in the mood for company tonight and in the end they had to physically close the door on the lecherous smirks and knowing looks that they were being given. It was a bit of a struggle but they managed it in the end.

.

Once the door was slammed shut in the faces of her older sisters Narcissa found herself picked up by the shorter girl and thrown bodily onto the bed that they shared without even the slightest little bit of ceremony. She looked up with wide eyes as Dottie drew her wand and smirked at her lustily. Oh my Goddess this was finally happening.

With two quick movements that would have impressed her old duelling instructor the raven haired goddess that had just allowed her to finger fuck her at the dinner table shot out her spells.

" _Incarcerous, Divesto."_

The wide eyed and now naked blonde was secured firmly to the wooden bed head with thin, silky, black ropes and her breath was coming in short, sharp huffs of anticipation as Dorothy Liliceae wandered about the room twirling her wand and talking in an almost conversational manner.

"So you were asking the other night about my sexual habits weren't you Cissy."

Baby blue eyes remained rivetted on the calm, cool and downright _sexy_ witch in front of her and she could only nod hesitantly in response.

"Well as you know I like to fuck ... and be fucked by ... witches ... " The holly wand was tossed carelessly onto the second bed in the room. " ... sometimes I like to give and sometimes ... " Her shirt was shrugged off and trailed behind her. "I like to ... _take_..." The unflattering uniform skirt was unzipped, dropped to her ankles and, still advancing, she stepped nimbly out of it. " ... and right now my sweet, sweet Cissy ... you ... are about to be _taken._ "

The restrained blonde let out a small moan as Harriet stood before her in her racy, lacy, black underwear, placed her hands on her hips and raised an eyebrow before asking.

"Questions ... comments?"

Cissy had none. She couldn't quite get over the fact that her Dottie had never looked quite as excitingly or dangerously sexy as she did right now.

"Alrighty then, let's get to it shall we?"

The underwear joined the rest of the clothes on the floor and hot Dottie crawled up the bed, slinking predatorily towards her like a big cat who, having caught their prey, was anticipating the meal. The black haired girl licked her lips. And then she moved in to eat.

.

Narcissa Black woke naked and alone the next morning in the decidedly rumpled bed that fairly reeked of sex with a huge, silly smile on her face. A smile which only got wider when she saw the equally naked little witch covered in some fairly impressive scratches and hickeys, standing in the doorway to their en-suite bathroom, smirking at her. Dear Merlin she was sexy.

"So I was thinking, morning glory in the shower followed by a long, hot soak."

Fuck this girl was going to kill her. Not that she was complaining like. Death by sex sounded like a very acceptable way to go.

Unknown to Cissy her sentiment was shared by almost every member of the Slytherin girl's dormitory who had spent the entirety of the previous night listening to her screams as she was getting thoroughly ravaged by the girl they were now referring to as 'Dirty Dottie'.

.

Breakfast at the Slytherin table was a mostly quiet affair this morning. Apart from all the giggling and whispering that is. Neither Harriet nor Narcissa seemed to notice , however, as they spent most of the meal slumped together and propping each other up. Indeed the blonde was so out of sorts that she didn't even notice as she spread jam on her eggs before proceeding to drop it all down her rather creased robes. The elves had apparently been far too frightened by the caterwauling witches that they couldn't be persuaded to enter the the room to do their laundry last night.

For someone of Narcissa Black's legendarily fastidious nature it was almost unheard of and quickly grabbed the attention of her older sisters.

"What the bloody hell are you doing Cissy."

"Recovering."

"Well you had a lot to recover from."

Harriet made the throw away comment as she absently tried to cover up the very red love-bite on the blonde's neck.

"Oi, short stop, that's my little sister you're talking about so you might want to just shut the fuck up now."

Ooh Bella was clearly a tad snarky this morning and Harriet had an idea of why that might be.

"Are you upset because I fucked her or because I didn't share?"

Unfortunately her comment only made the oldest Black sister growl even more while muttering something broom cupboards and 'accidents'. Harriet didn't really care since she was totally knackered from her long night of stress relief and was even too tired to respond much to the repeated use of her newly given nickname of 'dirty Dotty'.

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Morning classes, it turned out were not actually optional even for a pair of incredibly tired fifth year witches who had been up all night 'doing the nasty'. It had taken two pepper up potions apiece for the now slightly more than room-mates to appear even half way presentable enough to make it to Charms which they shared with the Ravenclaws this morning. And it was here while rummaging around in her robes for a spare quill that Harriet came upon something very interesting.

As the black haired girl that Lily couldn't quite seem to keep her eyes off pulled something from the pocket of her robes the red head went suddenly rigid and hissed out at her peculiar blonde companion.

"Pan'! You didn't. Please tell me you didn't."

"Didn't I? Oh well that's alright then."

Fuck. What kind of trouble had her crazy best friend landed her in now.

Dorothy Liliceae was looking curiously at a slightly crumpled piece of parchment. A piece of parchment covered in the instantly recogniseable script of her own hand. It was a list. It was _her_ list. _The_ list. As the insanely gorgeous Slytherin began to peruse it intently Lily could only put her reddening face in her hands and shake her head in embarrassment. Nothing good could come out of this. Surely?

Oh my. Miss Evans how very _forward_ of you. Harriet smiled to herself as she read over the carefully constructed list. She wondered if she should be concerned that her mum ... no she had to stop thinking like that that or she'd drive herself insane ... that _Lily_ ... reminded her of her best friend Hermione so much. She read it through again and the smile just kept on growing.

.

 _ **The Lily Evans 'Do I ask out Dorothy Liliceae' List.**_

 _ **Pros;**_

 _ **Unbelievably gorgeous.**_

Depite not being one for self agrandisement even Harriet had to admit that she was pretty fucking gorgeous.

 _ **Smile that can light up the room.**_

Awww, that was sweet.

 _ **Very cute dog.**_

Yeah, yeah, she got it. Everybody loves Toto. Bloody dog.

 _ **Very cute arse.**_

You see most people overlooked that. Well apart form Bella ... and Cissy ... and maybe Andi too come to think of it.

 _ **Magnificent tits.**_

Oh really? She hadn't noticed Lily looking at all ... like every two fucking seconds. Seriously it was like her eyes were magnets and Harriet's nipples were made of low grade steel. She swore that she could see the girl's head nodding to every bounce and sway as she walked.

 _ **Cons;**_

 _ **Has a temper.**_

Not something that she was unaware of and since her smackdown of the blonde ponce the other night neither was anyone else in any doubt of it.

 _ **May not be very bright.**_

Well that was just rude.

 _ **Clearly insane.**_

Not going to dispute that one as her actions so far hadn't exactly made her out to be the poster child for sound mental health.

 _ **Will very likely end up being shagged by one or all of the Black sisters.**_

Ahh jealousy, such a rewarding emotion for those who were re-building their self esteem and had more than a touch of vanity about their fabulous new appearance. She wasn't wrong to be jealous mind you. One down (so to speak), two to go.

Turning from her study Hariet looked across the classroom to where the girl in question sat staring at her and began deftly and carefully folding the parchment multiple times until a very recogniseable shape emerged. She tipped the Ravenclaw a little wink as she slid the now heart shaped list beneath her school blouse and into her bra. Right above her own heart. Only Pandora's hand gripping her own prevented Lily from a full on hyperventilation episode at hot Dottie's less than subtle actions.

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For the second day running last night's events in the Slytherin dormitory were common knowledge by lunch time. It had taken a bit longer this time due tthe weariness and irritability of the gossips following their previous sleep deprived evening but the mid-day meal everyone in the castle knew what 'Dirty Dottie had done with Narcissa Black.

And the marauders again took full advantage.

Those mangy arse motherfuckers had done it to her again. Harriet wouldn't have been quite so pissed off as she was if they hadn't gone with the exact same bloody thing they had yesterday. Pranking genii her arse. The Weasley twins had seriously over estimated the originality of these morons that they had revered as Gods of the wizarding wheeze.

So when the music started as she walked into the great hall she stopped dead and stared daggers at the first generation marauders. Unfortunately her recognition of the song they used brought back a lot of unwelcome memories of her time at Privet Drive and caused some unexpected results.

One of Aunt Petunia's favourite TV programmes from back in the bad part of her old life was a show called Ally McBeal. She had watched though the keyhole in her cupboard as the funny little man had danced to this exact same song. This was how she knew with absolute certainty what this song was from the first three bars of the introduction. It was also how she knew with another bout of absolute certainty that she was going to be unable to stop herself from doing what she was about to do.

Oh well. She might as well just roll with it as it would further enhance her reputation as a raving lunatic with self control issues. Also it should be a lot of fun.

.

 _We got it together, didn't we_

 _We've definitely got our thing together don't we baby_

 _Isn't that nice_

 _I mean really, when really sit and think about it_

 _Isn't it really, really nice_

.

Her shoulders and hands were going, moving in perfect rythm with the low, growling sex voice of the 'Walrus of Love' as Harriet climbed onto the Slytherin table and made her way down to the centre.

.

 _I can easily feel myself slipping_

 _In more and more ways_

 _That super world of my own_

 _Nobody but you and me_

.

Stopping in front of the three sisters she struck a pose while chanting along with Mister White.

.

 _We've got it together baby_

.

Harriet tipped a wink to Cissy as she began to move along with the rising tempo and the crescendo of the song and spun deftly into the well remembered moves.

.

 _My first, my last, my everything_

 _And the answer to all my dreams_

 _You're my sun, my moon, my guiding star_

 _My kind of wonderful, that's what you are_

.

Using Andi and Bella's outstretched hands the newest and most insane dancing queen that was hot, dirty Dottie Liliceae descended gracefully and span her way over to the Ravenclaw's table. Harriet ascended to her new platform from the space that suddenly appeared before her and the gyrations began anew. Right in front of the awestruck and dumbfounded Lily Evans.

.

 _I know there's only, only one like you_

 _There's no way they could have made two_

 _You're, you're all I'm living for, your love I'll keep forevermore_

 _You're the first, you're the last, my everything_

.

It was possibly the strangest piece of impromtu musical theatre that had ever been seen at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in it's entire, illustrious history ending as it did with the proponent leaning down to kiss trembling hand of a certain red haired, muggle born witch. As red lips touched pale knuckles at the final note those in attendance rose as one, letting out a huge shout of approval and not a few loud calls for an encore.

Even the marauders rose to cheer, knowing that they had been bested again. Well they had not so much been bested as their target for humiliation had simply rolled with the prank and turned it back upon them with such panache. One of them didn't rise, however. He sat in his seat and glared at the red booted beauty who was making the elusive love of his life (stalkee) Liliy Evans blush so prettily with her outrageous public flirting.

The Ravenclaw's obvious interest in Dorothy Liliceae was making James Potter seethe and boil with anger. An anger that was not improved by every other person in the castle treating the mental lezzie twat like she was the second coming of Morgana just because she had very publicly beaten Lucius Malfoy to a bloody pulp and fucked one of the Black sisters. Ordinarilly this kind of behaviour would have put her on a friend for life basis rather than on his personal shit list but she had now dared to encroach upon his territory.

She was going after Lily Evans and that could not be allowed to stand. Mad Dottie needed to be told the rules of _his_ Hogwarts and tonight he planned to do just that.

.

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.

Having escaped the attentions of her aristocratic, pure blood Slytherin hangers on once again the black haired temptress known as Dorothy Liliceae sat in a comfy chair at a delicately ornate desk in the room of requirement. Harriet had taken a leaf of Lily's book and decided to make a list of her own to assist her in planning for future events.

.

 _ **1\. Make James Potter look like a complete knob.**_

This was not a difficult one to achieve in all honesty since the noble tosser who she was becoming more and more embarrassed to call her dad did most of the work himself. She would be pretty pushed to call a winner between him and Ron if it came to a stupidity contest.

 _ **2\. Grow a pair and actually talk to Lily Evans.**_

Harriet needed some advice on this one because everyone had always been quick to tell her how amazingly brilliant Lily had been and now that she had seen it for herself she couldn't really disagree. However that made the danger of the red head finding out about the whole time traveller thing almost a foregone conclusion. Which would be bad. So very bad. So yeah advice would be good she just didn't know where exactly to turn for it.

 _ **3\. Ensure the survival and continued health of certain people like poor old Neville's parents and Molly Weasley's brothers.**_

Keeping future Death Eaters from their path of destruction and so more of the people she cared about alive was one of her main priorities here with the judicious use of either sex (Bellatrix) or assasination (Lucius).

 _ **4\. Sort out Sevvie to a respectable enough state that some 'lucky' witch who was either extremely desperate or with low enough standards would actually agree to have sex with him.**_

This was definitely a job for the Black sisters. Cissy would jump at the chance to give their new greasy haired ragamuffin of a potions tutor, protectee and tentative friend a make-over and her siblings could definitely be relied upon to persuade or intimidate some hapless witch into dating him.

 _ **5\. Find a girlfriend for 'uncle' Moony.**_

Remus had always been her favourite and she worried about him more than anyone else. He needed someone to keep him together. Her new friend Pandora Scamander sprang to mind as she probably wouldn't mind his 'furry little problem'. She could just imagine the nutty blonde's squees of delight at having her own pet wolfie to snuggle up with.

 _ **6\. Find a girlfriend for the ridiculous mutt that was her dog father.**_

A _much_ more difficult task than it at first seemed. Although even a died in the wool lesbian like her would admit that Sirius was incredibly handsome, he was also a.) extremely over-confident and b.) a bit of an idiot. The dog father needed someone to keep him in line and away from trouble. Well away from too much anyway. Some trouble making was part of his charm after all. Amelia Bones would have been perfect for him except that she had already graduated by now which left her with very few candiates with the required strength of will ... apart from ... oh. Now that was just mean. Harriet snorted as she thought about how she was going to get a sixteen year old Sirius Black together with a still only thirty eight year old Minerva McGonnagal. Oh _hell_ yeah, she was _so_ doing that.

 _ **7\. Find someone dumb enough to fall for James Potter's dubious charms and sexy enough to distract him from his pursuit of Lily.**_

Okay so this was a real toughie. Her dad at this time, although ruggedly handsome she supposed, was more than a bit of a dick. Stupid and pretty meant that she was going to have to search the ranks of Hufflepuff and Gryffindor for a match for him and that required someone with both access to those Houses and the inclination to help her. Perhaps she could recruit Moaning Myrtle to help her out with the promise of friendship and fun.

 _ **8\. String that traitorous bastard Pettigrew up by his balls and torture him to death.**_

No question here, Wormtail was getting offed right fucking now before he even got the chance to _think_ about betraying anybody. She would probably have to wait until the winter break though so that she didn't get caught.

 _ **9\. Get a pretty new tartan winter coat for Toto.**_

It could get awfully cold in Scotland in the winter and she was worried about hm catching a sniffle. Not that she cared or anything. Shut up.

 _ **10\. Buy a charmed record player and lots of albums.**_

Oh yeah. There was some totally awesome music being made around this time like T-Rex, The Sweet, David Bowie and Black Sabbath to name but a few and she wanted to get all of it. Besides there was nothing better than having sex to some appropriate, or indeed some extremely _inappropriate_ music. Which led nicely to the final item on her list ...

 _ **11\. Have a lot more sex. Like a**_ _ **lot**_ _ **more.**_

.

"Ooh that's a good one."

"Fuck's sake Susan do you absolutely _have_ to do that every fucking time."

"Well no I don't _have_ to but it's much more fun for me if I do." Susan Death smirked at her sort of mortal time travelling friend. "Anyway you love it."

Harriet really kind of did.

"So did I do good then?"

"It's a very good start Harriet, well done."

She actually really was impressed with the time traveller who had accomplished so much in only four days and from the looks of her list had begun to at least plan most of the rest of what she needed to do. Of course Harriet had to ruin it by bringing sex into the equation. Susan really hadn't realised that the younger girl was quite this free and uninhibited. Not that _she_ was going to fall for it.

"Good enough to get a shag?"

"No."

An adorable pout from the hot little mortal made Susan's heart do a little flip-flop.

"Snog?"

Attempting to rationalise her next word the trainee Reaper reasoned that Harriet really had done very well so far and deserved at least _some_ kind of a reward. She sighed. Well it would amuse grand father if nothing else.

"Fine."

"Yay!"

Harriet launched herself at the very surprised and now rather worried figure of Death's grand daughter with a determined gleam in her eye. Susan was still worried until the moment that those luscious red lips descended on hers in a surprisingly soft and gentle kiss. She had watched 'dirty Dottie's marathon session of sexual debauchery with the youngest Black sister and was expecting her to show the same vigour and ... _enthusiasm_ with her. What she actually got was very different.

It was sweet ... and gentle ... and very, _very_ ... nice. Almost loving in fact. This experience (not her first kiss but definitely her best) was far less that of a horny teenager and much more one of a sweet, cuddly girlfriend. Susan Death briefly worried that she was falling for the black haired snuggle monkey with the bright green eyes and wondering how exactly that would work when those same eyes flicked up and held hers and her brain ceased all rational function.

The grand daughter of Death and Grim Reaper in training was surprising herself now with the thought that she could have an actual relationship with a re-incarnated almost sixteen year old sort of mortal girl who should never have existed in the first place. Weird was a word that could definitely be applied to the situation.

 **.**

Stepping back into the seventh floor corridor an hour or so later Harriet sighed tiredly and stretched, cracking her joints with several muted pops before starting to make the long journey back to the dungeons. Susan had been surprisingly willing to let her get away with some fairly heavy petting during their little make-out session and she was feeling almost as good as she had this morning.

Harriet was so lost in her happy thoughts that she entirely failed to notice the three young men in front of her until she was only a few feet from them and one of them spoke.

"Well well, if it isn't dirty Dottie. All on her lonesome and ... unprotected."

Now this was a much more unpleasant surprise than Susan's willingness to snog her face off. James Potter, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew stood across the corridor blocking her path and smirking at her. She knew that the three less intelligent members of the marauders would try something sooner or later and had been expecting the confrontation, she just wondered how they had found her so fast. It took Harriet a moment before she realised.

The map.

Fuck.

Of course they could find her. They were the marauders and they had the fucking map.

Also the fact they hadn't brought Remus with them either meant that they were planning something nasty. Uncle Moony had always been the conscience of the marauders, keeping them from the worst of themselves so it made sense that if they were going hunting for her to hand out some payback for the imagined (and not so imagined) slights that she had dealt them then they would leave him behind.

She looked at them each in turn, evaluating the danger. Pettigrew was a coward and would no doubt run at the first hint of her willingness to fight back. Sirius was not too bright and easily led but after his 'education' in the House of Black he was proficient in all sorts of nasty hexes and curses. Harriet was certain that he would stop short of anything really unsavoury but he was still a dangerous opponent on his own. Then of course there was James Potter.

Daddy.

Having seen Snape's memories in their ill fated occlumency 'lessons' last year she knew just what a nasty, bullying bastard the Potter heir could be and indeed was at this stage of his life. _He_ was going to be a problem. Harriet didn't know precisely what he had planned for her but, much like Lucius bastard Malfoy, he was an entitled, arrogant young man and she could take a pretty good guess at his darkest thoughts and there was no way in hell that she was allowing that to happen. So. It was a fight then. Harriet grinned maniacally.

"Alright then boys." The holly and phoenix feather wand dropped into her waiting hand taking the three stooges aback somewhat with her confidence. "Shall we dance?"

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 **.**

 **Yes, yes alright I left a cliff-hanger. I can hear the screams of frustration from here and yes I really am going to leave you hanging until next weekend.**

 **I know, I'm a terrible bastard. As Johnny Storm says; "Flame on."**

 **As usual I write for me but reviews are always nice and I'd certainly never turn them away, just don't get caught up in the whole 'they would never do that' trap. This is all going to be pretty AU stuff.**

 **.**

 **DtR xx.**


	5. Chapter 5

**.**

 **Yes I left you all hanging. No I don't care.**

 **Seriously though sorry for the delay but my brain needed a bit of a break.**

 **To all the people have left such sweet reviews praising the unique quality of this story I would just like to once again say that the idea isn't actually mine. All kudos go to the lovely Anubis of the Highway Thieves who thought up this challenge and then encouraged my interest. Granted, I'm not sure if this is exactly what they had in mind but reading pretty much anything that I've written previously should have at least warned of my well deserved reputation for oddity. The probability for this fic to get very strange, very fast was always fairly high.**

 **Enjoy.**

 **.**

 **I'm not JKR and I don't make any money from this. Which is a bit of a shame.**

 **DtR xx.**

 **.**

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 **.**

 **A Tale of Two Lillies.**

.

 **5\. It's the People You Meet on the Journey.**

 **.**

"Alright then boys." The holly and phoenix feather wand dropped into her waiting hand taking the three stooges aback somewhat with her confidence. "Shall we dance?"

As it turned out Peter Pettigrew didn't run at the first spell cast, totally screwing up Harriet's nicely thought up strategic plan of attack and then began to further bollocks up her night by actually proving himself to be a half decent duellist. As the 'girl-who-lived', however, she had been on the receiving end of some truly epic smack downs by some very nasty people and/or creatures including a troll, a basilisk and a Dark Lord (three times) so these three ego driven school boys still weren't worrying her too much. Her protego shield was almost instantaneous and extremely strong resulting in Sirius and James narrowly avoiding their own rebounding stingers and Peter actually getting hit with his own slug vomiting hex.

She couldn't believe that the nasty little prick had cast that as a first strike in what was essentially a pranksters duel although he certainly seemed to be regretting it now as he decorated the walls and floor with the slimy molluscs. At least dear old Padfoot seemed to be getting into the spirit of the thing with some inventive and pretty cool tripping, sneezing and sliming hexes. Harriet responded in kind by releasing a torrent of pinkish foam from her wand that engulfed all three of her assailants, turning them bright pink and bald and causing them to slip and slide around the corridor drunkenly colliding with each other. She was giggling so hard at this that she nearly got tagged by a sloppily aimed stunner that James had somehow got off.

Indeed James Potter seemed to be the only one who was really taking this thing with any degree of seriousness at all, mainly due to the fact that he wanted to utterly humiliate the damned slimy snake that was always getting between him and his beloved Lily Evans. While the others were pranking or vomiting he was looking to disable or debilitate, trying to knock her out probably so he could leave to be found somewhere embarrassingly public and thus take her down a peg or two. He was failing spectacularly due to Harriet's experience and reactions but he was still trying. Something that didn't go un-noticed by her.

Still three on one, or two and a half on one really since the wobbly legged Peter was still busy hiccoughing up the occasional fat slug, was bound to tell sooner or later and after ten minutes or so Harriet could feel herself starting to tire and her spell power beginning to weaken. The boys, sensing victory, pulled themselves together for a big final effort, stunners at the ready they made their slippery advance.

It was at this point that someone else or more accurately some _thing_ else decided to intervene on her behalf and the air behind the Gryffindors split and tore to reveal a new and terrible oppnoent for them in the battle of the seventh floor corridor.

James, Sirius and Peter whipped around to face the new threat only to be confronted with a walking nightmare. A ten foot tall nightmare cloaked in a robe of darkest midnight, holding an enormous black scythe and staring at them with ill disguised fury somehow showing in those empty eyeless sockets.

 **Boo!**

The long shaft of the nasty looking scythe flashed out and caught all three of the terrifed boys square in their faces knocking them off their feet. With the blow from the heavy weapon compounding their shock at seeing the huge skeletal demon suddenly appearing in the corridor the marauders were out for the count even before their respective heads collided solidly with the floor.

A few yards away the exhausted girl crouched with hands on knees breathing hard and attempting to regulate her hammering heartbeat. She peeked up at Death with her big, soulful, green eyes through the loose, straggling bangs of her black hair and favoured him with heart stopping smile. Well it would have been heart stopping if it had been directed at anyone other than the semi corporeal personifaction of the gate keeper to the after life.

Remembering her promise to herself at the sorting feast, Harriet stopped smiling, stood carefully, walked up to the Grim Reaper and kicked him as hard as her remaining strength would allow and as close to his bollocks as she could manage. Which due to him being a ten foot tall skeleton and her being a five foot nothing tall teenaged girl was sadly (for her at least) only the top of his shin.

"That's for the dress you bony tosser."

She relented slightly and followed up her swift and vicious physical attack by reaching her arms around him and pulling him in, burying her face in what she hoped was his stomach for one of her special monster hugs. It was neither very soft nor very comfortable for her but she did it anyway.

"And that's for helping me out with the moron brigade."

Death looked at her with more than a touch of confusion.

 **I don't get it.**

"Don't get what?"

 **Susan is always saying how nice it is hugging you ... among other things. I don't get it.**

"So Susan talks about me does she?" Harriet was inordinately pleased with this development and couldn't help grinning at the weird older Reaper. "Does she say anything nice?"

 **Yes.**

"Like what?"

 **You know. Stuff.**

"Oo-oo-kay. I see you're a mine of information as always."

 **Yes.**

Taking him by the hand the girl started to lead her lanky companion away from the scene of the crime while carelessly waving her wand behind her back to strip the marauders naked and hang them by the ankles from the high ceiling. Death gave what could be considered to be an amused chuckle (if one were being particularly generous) and struggled to hobble his huge strides to match her much shorter ones as they strolled off towards the stairs.

.

Two of the defining attributes of Lily Evans were her inquisitive nature and her nose for trouble and it was these that had led to her following three quarters of the marauders as soon as she spotted them slinking suspiciously off up to the main staircase that night. Knowing that the Black sisters were all studying, having seen them together in the library earlier, and rightly assuming that Pettigrew, Potter and Black were up to no good she stalked them as they stalked Dorothy.

Luckily for her the three marauders were far too intent on the Slytherin girl to notice her name behind theirs on the map and Lily had made it all the way up to the top of the stairs leading to a seldom used dead end on the seventh floor. The red head was perfectly well aware that the boys were most likely after the girl that she had finally admitted to having the world's most enormous crush on and she was prepared to do pretty much anything to protect Dorothy Liliceae. Even, horror of horrors, breaking school rules.

She hung back just out of sight around the corner listening to the vitriolic exchange between the Gryffindors and their target. Lily raged at the injustice and unfairness of a three against one duel even if the one was a psychotically violent lunatic who, if the rumours were to be believed, had access to some _very_ unpleasant curses. She was trying to justify her own involvement in this silly duel by convincing herself that she was just evening out the odds somewhat. Besides she couldn't very well get any of the answers she so desperately wanted from the Dorothy if she was dead, or worse, _expelled_.

Lily had just determined to step in herself when the noises of spell fire were interrupted by a tearing sound, followed by a loud thump and then everything went suddenly and ominously quiet. The Ravenclaw witch didn't recognise the 'voices' that then seemed to be holding a rather odd conversation following this strange occurence and jumped out from her from her hiding place at their intending to protect her crush from whoever had captured her. The stupefy incantation died on her lips as she took in the incredible and un-nerving sight before her morphing instead into a shocked scream.

"What the fuck?" Lily stammered out. "That's De ... de ... de ... "

The suddenly stuttering witch took a few moments to process what she was seeing before her impressive brain kicked back into gear and she scowled at the oh so intriguing and mysterious (and _super_ fucking hot) Dorothy Liliceae. Shaking her head to match the wavering wand clasped tightly in her hands she asked.

"Who _are_ you? _What_ are you?"

 **Oh dear.**

Death seemed to consider his next course of action for all of about two seconds before deciding and lifting his long finger towards her forehead.

 **I think it's probably best if you don't remember this encounter Lily Evans.**

"Woah there Big D, down boy." Harriet grabbed the skeletal finger and brought it back down to his side. "Let''s try not to do anything ... _regrettable_ shall we. You just put that away and let me handle this alright."

Lily was surprised, impressed and altogether far too pleased that she had just been saved from possibly having her mind wiped by the very helpful and very beautiful Slytherin girl. Despite the obvious peril of her situation a small smile began to form as she watched the short girl pat the Grim Reaper's hand condescendingly and give him the big 'puppy eyes' treatment. He, of course, went the same way as almost everyone else when subjected to this treatment and capitulated immedately.

 **Alright Ha ... little human. We'll do this your way.**

"Thanks again for helping out with the three fuck-wits"

She cocked a thumb back at the suspended idiots briefly before jabbing him in the chest (or as far up his chest as she could reach anyway) and growling out.

"But don't go thinking that I've forgotten about the _other_ stuff."

He nodded slowly.

 **And nor should you Harriet Potter. Goodbye for now.**

Reality tore once again as Death departed the mortal realm giving both girls the heebie jeebies and causing a pair of identical shudders which, when they spotted each other doing it, turned into snuffling, snorting sniggers. These gave way eventually to silence and a determined, narrow eyed question on the part of the Ravenclaw hottie.

"How the bloody hell did you just manage to summon the Grim Reaper, not for the first time by the looks of it, and why did he just call you Harriet Potter?"

Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck.

"Caught that did you?"

She smiled ruefully at a stony faced Lily who nodded slowly and extremely suspiciously and without even the hint of a smile of her own. Shit. Well this was going to be awkward.

"Look I know that we _really_ need to talk about this and know that you're probably bursting with hundreds of questions but is there _any_ chance that we can do this tomorrow instead." Her hand forstalled the inevitable negative response. "I promise that it's nothing more sinister than the fact that it's been _long_ fucking day and that I desperately need some sleep."

The red head's determined expression told her that this idea of postponing their long overdue discussion was probably not going to fly. Harriet hung her head and sighed heavily.

"No? Didn't think so." Sighing again she took Lily's hand and led them back the way they had come. "Come on then, we'll need somewhere a bit more private for this."

.

Once back in the room of requirements, that she had configured to look like the Gryffindor common room from her original time, Harriet threw herself tiredly onto one of the plush sofas and closed her eyes. Mmmm comfy. Her respite was brief. Very brief. Lily dove in as soon as the door closed behind them and before she was even fully seated herself.

"Who's Harriet Potter?"

"Ah yes ... umm ... well ... me. Sort of." She looked decidedly unsure and rather un-Dottie like as she continued. "Look I think this is going to be a lot simpler if I just get Susan to explain it because, honestly, I still don't have a fucking clue how most of this shit happened and I've got enough problems getting my own head around it."

"Susan who?"

In complete silence and without that awful tearing of reality sound that her grand father insisted on when he materialised anywhere (she thought he only did it to make an entrance) the Reaper in training herself arrived. Harriet thought that it really was rather impressive how she did that.

"Susan Death. Pleasure to see you again Miss Evans."

"What you mean again? We've never met as far as I'm aware." Lily looked the statuesque young woman up and down. "And I' pretty sure that I'd have remembered someone as ... um ... you." She tailed off as she realised that, like many before her, she was looking at the new arrival's awesome tits rather than her face.

"Perhaps we ought to start from the beginning."

As interested as she was in the tale that Susan was about to tell and exactly how she was going to spin it for the consumption of the inquisitive reason for all of this time travel bullshit Harriet was just too exhausted. The soft, soporific tones of the curvaceous Miss Death lulled her into restfulness and as a pillow somehow found it's way beneath her head she slowly and gratefully slipped into the land of nod.

.

Lily woke the next morning on the most comfortable couch in the world with a black haired witch snuggled into her side, using her stomach as a pillow and making the cutest little snorting snores. Lifting the blanket that covered the two of the them and tiltling the girl's chin she took a closer look. As she suspected this particular black haired witch went by the name of Dorothy Liliceae. A rather half naked witch by the name of Dorothy Liliceae.

Not that Lily was wearing much either.

When the fuck had _that_ happened exactly.

Of course it certainly wasn't an unpleasant development but having heard through the Hogwarts rumour mill all about Dirty Dottie's prowess she would have thought that she might have at least remembered it. She had a quick surrepticious check beneath her underwear and was a bit relieved to discover that the evidence suggested that they hadn't actually done the deed, so to speak. Not that surprising really considering how fast the exhausted girl had fallen asleep last night.

Which brought her thoughts back to the 'conversation' with Susan Death.

This fifteen year old heroine of the future wizarding world had been selected to come back in time to prevent the rise of an evil Dark Lord and assist _her_ in the not inconsiderable task of disposing of him. That was still giving her a bit of chill, the fact that a simple muggle born witch would be the one to defeat this great evil. All she had wanted to do was graduate (with honours of course) and live a relatively sane and peaceful life with her research and her best friend. Well as sane and peaceful as life could ever get when Pandora Scamander was around. Now, though, it seemed that she was going to have to get ready to fight a war.

At least she'd have Dorothy with her. Or, more accurately, she'd have Harriet with her.

Lily had expected the golden girl and heroine of the light to be a lot more ... together than she was but instead of that she came across as a total looney tune. And, being friends with Pandora, Lily knew a thing or two about how to spot a loony. True enough Dottie/Harriet was a sweet, funny and sometimes intelligent young woman but she there was no doubt that she was also wilful, naughty and decidedly bloody odd. All three of these traits were displayed as they passed by her, still stunned and naked, handiwork in the corridor when they headed back down to the great hall on leaving the secret room where they had been sequestered last night.

"I don't suppose you know any of the Hogwarts' House elves names do you Lily-pad?"

"No."

"That's a shame." Harriet paused and put a finger to her chin in her 'deep thought' pose. "Although I wonder whether old Peeves the poltergeist would be willing to help me out."

"No."

Lily's reaction was much sharper this time and caused Harriet to stop and look at her questioningly.

"No?"

"I know exactly what you're thinking of doing Dorothy Liliceae and I'm telling you no. You are _not_ hanging those three naked boys up in the great hall this morning. I'd quite like to try and keep my breakfast down and the sight of those nude idiots with their bits swinging about in the breeze would definitely not be conducive to that."

"Awww but Lily-pad."

"And _don't_ call me that."

Oh God she was doing that thing with her eyes again and combined with her bottom lip pushed out in that oh so adorable pout it weakining Lily's will power by the second.

"Just leave them there. I'm sure that someone will come along and find them ... _eventually._ "

Walking hand in hand with her just felt so natural. So right. So what if she was a time traveller who was here to stop a demented, pure blood terrorist from destroying the world. Lily liked her. Lily trusted her.

Dorothy Liliceae might be insane but she was most definitely _her_ kind of insane.

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.

Harriet had blown off her morning classes and slept until noon so it wasn't until lunch that the three impatient and inquisitive Black Sisters saw her again. Unfortunately this only made them more determined to find out where their sweet new plaything had been all night. They started in on her the instant that her delectable tushie hit the seat and no amount of cute 'chatter' with her distractingly sweet puppy was going to put them off apparently.

"And where did you get off to last night young lady?"

"Room of requirement." Harriet yawned dramatically.

"How did you know about that?"

Shit. It hadn't exactly been on the tour had it.

Think fast Harriet.

Thankfully five years of having to get past Filch, McGonagall and, most scarily of all, sometimes Hermione to have her ridiculous and danger filled adventures around Hogwarts kind of prepared for you for having to make up random shit on the spot.

"Well blondie kind of wore me out and I knew I wouldn't get much sleep in a room with you badgering bitches so I asked one of the castle elves for somewhere to sleep in peace and that's where they took me." She gave the sisters what she hoped was a rested looking smile. "Besides I thought that I'd give you girls the chance to have a good gossip about my amazing sexual performance in private."

While it was true that this was exactly what they had done in her absence last night there was no way that Bella was going to let it go that easily. Not even the twinkly little wink and the casual flicker of her tongue across those pouty red lips that Dottie flashed her way was going to distract her or put her off. No. Not one bit. She definitely wasn't wasn't going to get lost in her thoughts tracking every move of that pretty pink oral organ as it made it's way around the surrounding mouth pillows leaving everything that it touched moist and glistening. Bella wasn't going to get side-tracked by thinking of all of the gloriously naughty ways that wicked little tongue could be put to use on her own body that was now almost tingling with need at the mere thought of it.

What was she supposed to be doing again?

Fuck.

Bellatrix was brought back to reality with the noisy arrival of two more witches at their small piece of real estate at the centre of the Slytherin table on the invitation of the unreasonably and annoyingly unsettling green eyed witch sat across from her.

"Pan-pan, Lily-pad! Come and join us."

Narcissa couldn't quite believe it when the words that passed Lily Evans lips when Dottie called her that were so outrageously coarse that she would have put a twenty year veteran sailor to shame. The goody, goody Ravenclaw genius had actually sworn. And rather impressively at that. What was even more impressive, however, was Evans' blushes whenever their dorm-mate winked at her or gave her one of those little half smiles. Or just looked in her general direction really. They were _so_ obvious about their mutual interest in one another that even Bella took notice.

A Bella who now appeared to be seething with a dark, twisted jealousy.

Her oldest sister was an enigma to most people but to those who knew how to read her, her family, the expressions that she gave off were an open book. And what she 'read' right now was adoration ... and rage in about equal measure. Whether she had admitted it to herself or not Bella was in love with Dorothy Liliceae and that spelled trouble for anyone who she thought was interfering with 'her' property.

True to form and to the anxious disposition of her sisters Bella let those feelings out the instant that their pleasant and surprisingly interesting Ravenclaw lunch companions had left. Cissy's nerves were well founded as her sister let loose in a manner almost guaranteed to piss off the green eyed temptress with the amazingly short temper. Whatever else she knew in life, the blonde was certain that she did _not_ want to be in the middle of a disagreement between the two psychotic forces that were Dottie and Bella. Hopefully since they were in the great hall at the moment things wouldn't get to that point.

It was a forlorn hope at best and immediately dashed with Bellatrix's first words.

.

"What's with you being all friendly with the Ravenclaw weirdos anyway. I mean Scamander I can see, what with both of you being nuts and all and Evans is pretty hot I suppose but she's a damned mudblo ... "

The sentence was brought to a brutally swift close when the eldest Black found herself staring at the business end of a highly polished and well cared for holly wand that had appeared with unbelievable speed.

"Complete that sentence Black, I fucking _dare_ you."

Bella had never seen such cold, hard fury in the eyes of another living soul before and, being the enormous freak that she was, it kind of turned her on. The obvious power of and danger from the snarling younger witch was making her shudder in all sorts of wonderful and inappropriate ways. However, Miss Liliceae very quickly dis-abused her of the notion that it was some kind of extremely fucked up foreplay with her next words.

"I will tolerate a lot of shit from you Bellatrix because I really do like you, but if you ever so much as _think_ about using that word in my presence again then the things that I will do to you will make Malfoy's punishment seem like a gentle stroll in the fucking park."

Far from being a warning the ground out words were acting as an over-powered aphrodisiac to the increasingly deranged seventh year and she just could not seem to prevent herself from encouraging her treatment to continue.

"Wh ... what wi ... will y ... you do?"

What was this? She was fucking stammering. More with the sexual thrill of anticipation than actual fear admittedly but still. Bellatrix Black did not stammer.

"Three words bitch."

Merlin and Morgana yes, I've been so bad. Treat me mean. Punish me mistress.

 _"Cru ... "_

Do it baby.

 _" ... ci ..."_

Yes, yes, YES!"

 _" ... o ... "_

Bellatrix Black crossed her eyes, gripped the edge of the table, squeezed her thighs together and whimpered as she came in her pants. She was far too busy to notice the other girl stalking off out of the great hall, pausing only to punch a startled and frightened Malfoy on the way and it was left to Cissy to 'wake' her up again.

"Fuck me Bella I knew you were a freak but seriously sis', you need fucking _help_."

The still insanely grinning girl couldn't even summon the energy to lift her head from the table. This made her happy little nods of agreement with her younger sibling drag her face along the wooden suface, leaving splinters in her cheek and causing her to look even more mentally disturbed than she already did.

Bella's heart was pounding in her chest. If anything that small display of bad tempered power on the part of the simply delicious Miss Liliceae had caused her to fall even further into the insidious clutches of love's tender embrace. Okay so she wasn't thrilled about her new rival for the girl's affections but it was of little matter to her really. After many meaningless dalliances Bellatrix Black had at last found someone who gave her the thrill that she had been searching for. Her own peronal dangerous Dark Lady. Her reason for living.

She couldn't wait for Mistress Dottie to do it again.

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Harriet had been very quiet the rest of that day by choice. A choice that was carefully respected by everyone around her. Given her well deserved reputation for violent confrontation this was very prudent behaviour on the part of the other residents of Hogwarts. Added to the fact that she had very publicly verbally bitch slapped the terrifying Bellatrix Black and was still breathing without medical assistance and even the most dull witted of Gryffindors left her alone. Dorothy Liliceae was fast becoming a legend in this school and nobody wanted to be the next part of her continuing efforts to make that legend grow stronger.

Wishing to continue her quiet contemplations Harriet had missed dinner and hidden herself away in the library. She was expecting the interruption and wasn't surprised that it was the good natured peace-maker of the Black sisters who had finally come to find her. They sat side by side in comfortable silence for a while until Cissy reached over and took her hand.

"I wanted to talk to you about what Bella said at lunch."

She nodded, accepting the inevitable with calm resignation.

"She doesn't mean anything by it Dottie. It's not her fault you know, it was how she was raised ... how we were _all_ raised. Mudblo ... _that_ word ... was one of those upon which our whole pre Hogwarts 'education' was based."

The green eyes that had flashed in anger at _that_ word calmed again and the black haired girl managed a small smile.

"You just want to get me into your bed again."

"Well yes I'm not stupid enough to not want to get some more of _that_." The garllous blonde licked her lips nervously. "But actually I thought that you might like to keep Bella company tonight."

"Why would I do that?"

"Because she's sorry. Sorry that she insulted your friend and sorry that she upset you but mosty because she needs the reassurance ... she's jealous."

"Of you?"

"Well Evans mainly." Cissy smiled. "Me too though probably."

"And what about you Cissy, are you jealous?"

There was a look in Narcissa's clear blue eyes that seemed far older than her fifteen years.

"I know what this is Dottie. I know what _you_ are."

Harriet raised an eyebrow in obvious question.

"You're a Goddess of sex and violence, a force of nature and one can't tame nature." She slipped a hand through those sleek raven curls. "It would be very silly of me to even try. I'll take whatever you have to give me as often as you want to give it ... but I won't ever make the mistake of asking you for more than that."

"And Bellatrix?"

"Bella doesn't think like that. She can be really sweet when she wants to be and she has a good heart but she can be _very_ jealous, _very_ possessive and ... well, not very ... _stable_ sometimes."

"You're not really selling her Cissy love." A finger went to the youngest Black's lips to forestall the arguments that Harriet knew were coming. "Not to most people anyway, but I'm not like most people and as you may have heard around the place ... " She leaned forward to put a whisper conspiratorially in the blonde's ear. " ... I'm fucking _nuts_."

The distraction provided by the sheer amount of perfect, perfumed cleaveage that Dirty Dottie was diplaying in that moment meant that Cissy was in a rather pleasant daze while she was being hauled to her feet and shepherded back to their dorms. She didn't know what was going to happen once they got back ot their room, whether the two black haired young women would spend the entire night fighting or fucking but she knew that it needed to happen. Best get it out of the way now and give them all a chance to settle down and get used to the situation. Whatever that may be.

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 **As usual I write for me but reviews are always nice and I'd certainly never turn them away, just don't get caught up in the whole 'they would never do that' trap. This is all going to be pretty AU stuff.**

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 **DtR xx.**


	6. Chapter 6

**.**

 **Okay. So we're back with a new writing schedule and some new inspiration. Updates will happen at least every two weeks from now on, both on this and my other challenge fic 'Of Twins and Harry Potter'.**

 **Having said that, this writing thing is about fun so let's try to have as much of that as we can too hey.**

 **Now Just to clear a few things up. This fic is a light hearted piece of fun for me and is in no way meant to be taken seriously. If it's not your thing, that's okay. Stop reading and move on with your life. Also almost everyone in this story is OOC to some extent or other. Harriet Potter 'the girl-who-lived' would never have done half the things that she's doing now but Dorothy Liliceae is a different kettle of fish entirely. And as we all surely know by now ... Dottie's a nutbag.**

 **Nutters do tend to have a terrifying propensity to affect everything and everyone around them. I would know. Been one all my life.**

 **Enjoy.**

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 **I'm not JKR and I don't make any money from this. Which is a bit of a shame.**

 **DtR xx.**

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 **A Tale of Two Lillies.**

.

 **6\. It's Not Easy Being Green.**

 **.**

Lily and Pandora sat in their usual places at breakfast talking in hushed whispers about the things that had been revealed to the redhead by her enormous and increasingly obvious girl crush over the last thirty six hours or so. Well at least _some_ of the things that had been revealed, since Lily was pretty sure that divulging secrets that had been so carefully put in place by the grim bloody reaper himself would probably not end very well for her. Also she was hoping to get to at least second base with the time travelling warrior of the light sometime soon and blabbing the girl's private business to her best friend was, again, probably not going to help with that.

Unfortunately for her this meant that Lily was unable to shake Pandora's firm belief that she and Dottie had spent the other night, when they were both missing from their dorms, together. Not that she could have defended against it since it was technically true, just not in the way that her deluded and dirty minded friend was imagining. So she had to put up with the constant teasing and could only respond to the banter by giving out the firm assertion that she was 'so not in love with Dorothy Liliceae' ad nauseam.

It didn't put Pandora off at all and indeed simply appeared to make the irrepressible odd-ball's belief in Lily and Dottie's beautiful and romantic liason even stronger. The redhead knew it was a bad idea taking her to the cinema in Taunton to see that re-run of Love Story last year. It had apparently given her weird friend some even weirder than normal ideas about how the muggle community went about their mating rituals. Thinking that this might actually be a nice way to change the topic away from her sex life, Lily went off on a diatribe about how the wizarding world wasn't really any better in that regard.

Even this fascinating and argument inspiring subject was not enough to hold their attention, however, when the strident voice of James Potter drifted across the great hall to them.

"I'm telling you Remus, that dark bitch summoned a fucking _demon_."

His answer that they were a bit bloody stupid to go around pissing her off then made her and Pandora laugh so hard they nearly tasted their breakfast again.

However, all these fun little interludes over their pancakes with syrup (Lily) and chocolate pudding with lychees and toast points (Pandora) still didn't distract her from the fact that the Slytherin table was missing a fair few witches this morning. Dottie, or Harriet really she supposed, was absent along with all of her little harem of pureblood stalkers. She had a really bad feeling about why this might be. A feeling which was sadly confirmed when Alecto Carrow, the seventh year 'gossip queen' of the Snakes thumped down a few seats up from them and started dishing the dirt to anyone who would listen about Dirty Dottie and Mental Bella's noisy night.

.

It wasn't until a couple of hours later that she saw the girl who she was planning to make her girlfriend when she came wandering into the library with her ever growing gang of Slytherin followers. It seemed that the snakes were attracted by those with power and after her very public humiliation of Malfoy and what she was rumoured to have done to the Gryffindor marauders, Dorothy Liliceae had become 'top bitch' in the dungeons.

In truth last night's 'fun' in the dorm room shared by Dottie and Bella had been a lot louder and a lot more alarming for their neighbours than the delightfully naughty sounds of unbridled passion from a few nights previously. Oh it had been passionate alright, just in a more 'I hate you, I love you, I want to kiss you, kill you, fuck you, fist you' kind of a way. But then when the protagonists in the little drama had been the two most undeniably violent, intemperate and lust driven witches in the entire school then it should perhaps have not been so unexpected.

The cracks, crashes and bangs of fighting, followed by the screams and yowls of, possibly fierce, but definitely pleasurable, fornication had pounded through the night, taking the spellbound listeners on a rollercoaster ride of emotional madness. The mental instability, sexual and physical prowess of Dirty Dottie seemed to have driven both her and Mental Bella to the very cliff edge of insanity. A cliff that they had clearly then jumped off together with very in the way of thought or inhibition.

Even Cissy and Andi holed up in the other bed had been a bit frightened in places as the sounds of unrestrained battle and furious boning had got through the double silenced curtains around their shared hidey hole and into their shocked ears. Despite knowing that this was coming, the inevitable confrontation between their eldest sister and the hot transfer student had been pretty tough for them to hear.

As was evidenced by the battered state of the two black haired witches when they finally emerged from their lair just before lunch, smirking and squinting carefully through their matching split lips and black eyes. Which they didn't even try to hide. After all where was the fun in getting battle scars if you didn't get to show them off and after last night's epic fight/fuck/fight the two raven haired witches had a _lot_ of them to show off.

It made them look them look like a pair of total badass bitches.

An effect that was slightly ruined by the fact that they were alternately carrying a very pampered little terrier around in their arms who would occasionally give them his best 'doggy kisses' when they weren't paying him enough attention. Maybe totally puppy whipped badass bitches then.

They made quite the sight for the flustered Ravenclaw who looked up from her homework at their annoyingly loud entrance. It seemed that Irma Pince shared her annoyance, although interestingly, she had very little to say to the giggling group of girls as they dropped into the seats around Lily's table.

.

The owl that descended on the Slytherin table towards the end of lunch was clearly from Gringotts bank. Everyone in the immediate vicinity could tell that by just how noisy, grumpy and downright fucking vicious the feathery little shit was in fending off the attentions of all those except the intended recipient of it's message. Many interested eyes followed it as the bad tempered bird hopped up to Dottie and kicked her hand, rather harder than was strictly necessary, to get her attention.

Harriet fumbled with the letter attached to it's leg, a task that wasn't made any easier by Toto leaping up onto the table to attempt to chase it off, but finally managed to extricate it before nodding her head, tacitly telling her dog to 'have at it'. After all the excitement of retrieving her mail, the letter itself turned out to be rather disappointing in it's content.

It was brief but to the point.

.

 _ **Miss Dorothy Glynda Liliceae,**_

 _ **You are required to present yourself at Gringotts Wizarding Bank tomorrow at Ten a.m. sharp for a meeting with senior account manager Hammerhand to discuss your holdings and inheritances. We would suggest that you are prompt since a fine of two galleons will be deducted from your vault for every ten minutes that you keep us waiting.**_

 _ **On behalf of the director for financial affairs,**_

 _ **Griphook the elder.**_

.

Harriet hadn't really had very much to do with the goblins previously but she had heard the tales and the tone of this 'polite' missive was not really very encouraging. What she could really use in a situation like this was some kind of advisor. Preferably one who was versed in the ways of pureblood etiquette when dealing with the insufferably grumpy guardians of the wizarding world's wealth. Luckily Harret knew, not one but three young ladies, who could fit that bill just perfectly. It helped that they were all extremely acccomodating where she was concerned and also that they tended to stick rather closely to her.

"I don't suppose one of you could come with me, I'm sure that I could talk the Headmaster into it."

The quiet and sensible Andromeda immediately clamped her hand over Cissy's mouth before she could get a word out and answered with an apologetic shake of the head.

"Well as much as we'd love to go with you Dottie darling I'm afraid that the three of us aren't very popular with the goblins at the moment because _someone_ ... " She paused to glare at her oldest sister. "... had the bright idea to carve some rather crude artwork in the entrance hall with their wand while we were waiting to go to our trust vault in the summer."

"In my defence that line was _really_ fucking long and I was _really_ fucking bored."

"Bella that's not a defence. It's barely even a reason." Turning back to Dottie so that her sister didn't see her smiling, Andi continued with the bad news. "Anyway, since that _incident_ the Black sisters have been somewhat persona non grata at Gringotts for the forseeable future I'm afraid."

"Why don't you take that mu ... Evans ... girl with you. She's nerdy enough that she's bound to know all about goblin customs and etiquette and all that shite that we can't be bothered with."

It caused Bella almost physical pain to suggest this course of action but it really was the best option for Dottie and she couldn't do anything else but voice it. For the first time in her life Bellatrix Black was the 'bottom' in a sexual relationship and, although she was secretly thrilled to be dominated by her 'Mistress', it was still hard for her to accept it publicly. And if Mistress Dottie wanted the Evans girl as well then Bella would do her damndest to make it happen. She didn't like it but she she would do it.

"As much as it pains me to say it Dottie darling that's a _relatively_ good idea. Congratulations Bella, that's your first this year isn't it?"

"Oh fuck off."

"Eloquent as always, sister dear."

"Eloquent like your cavernous fanny, slapper."

At this point the coversation wandered off the point of Harriet's trip to the bank and more into the area of which of the Black sisters had saggiest, baggiest or smelliest twat. As intriguing and amusing as that was it didn't really help her out with her current problem so she left them to their intellectual debate, quietly slipped out of her seat and headed for the Ravenclaws table.

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"So won't all of your little Slytherin girlfriends mind if you take me on a date to London."

"It's still not a date."

"It's kind of a date."

Their argumentative banter had started at the lunch table, sparked off by Pandora's excited squealing about how it was _'so romantic'_ , continued on the walk to their shared Herbology class and was still going on. Cissy and Sevvie's caustic insertions that it really did sound like a date weren't exactly helping to cool it off any and now they were getting _that_ look from professor Sprout.

Having lost her House more than enough points this week (and when exactly had she started to care about those?) Harriet decided to bring the topic to a halt with the only sure-fire way to shut the wickedly grinning witch up. Thinly veiled sexual innuendo and some slightly innapprpriate touching.

"Trust me Lily-pad, when I take you out on a date ... you'll _know_ it."

Lily shivered at the delicious tingling from warm fingers running down her spine when the insanely hot, smirking ravenette breathed this statement into her ear, pausing only to bless the small aural opening with the tiniest of kisses.

"Liliceae, Evans, five points each from Slytherin and Ravenclaw for not paying attention in class and the pair of you can come down to the front to work. Maybe that will help you to control your animal urges in my greenhouse."

Bollocks.

Harriet hung her head at losing _yet more_ House points but wasn't able to be overly sorry for it due to the delightful sight of the always cool and studious Lily Evans blushing bright red with the embarassment of being called out for flirtacious behaviour.

Despite the careful eye that the herbology professor was now keeping on them, the two witches still managed to continue their conversation/argument while being wrist deep in dragon dung fertilizer. In deference to their current activities, however, it had shifted back to Dottie's relations with the three pureblood sisters and what it meant for her hopes of developing something more intimate with the time traveller.

If it had to be anyone, Lily supposed that there were worse people for her crush to be associating with as they were, at least, all rather beautiful. She could see the sense of the 'new girl' having a harem of powerful, influencial and hot protectresses to keep any unwanted attention at bay. And the Blacks were certainly being a lot friendlier to her now, even the scary Bellatrix, and she wasn't in any doubt that it was all due to the vision of hotness that was toiling along beside her.

Dottie cared for her and seemed to also want more for the two of them, that was something that she had made _very_ clear but Lily's jealousy still reared it's ugly head every so often. Like now. Lily, intellectually understood the reasoning behind Dottie's choices but she still didn't like it when her caustic comments about Cissy, Andi and Bella made her sound like a demented stalker.

"Try to think of them like minions that I occasionally have to keep in line ... with sex."

"Minions? Careful Dottie, you're starting to sound like one of those 'unholy' Dark Ladys that Binns is always going on about."

"Nah, I'll leave all that evil Dark Lord bollocks to Voldie-pants."

"Voldie-pants?"

"Er, yeah. You know, Tom Marvolo Riddle, Lord Voldemort, the Dark Lord that Susan told you that you're supposed to beat. Ooh perhaps you could incinerate him with your jealousy fuelled super laser beam eyes."

"You're such a spaz."

Unfortunately Lily ruined the impression of aloof displeasure at her ridiculous friend (girlfriend?) by snorting in a most un-ladylike manner as she tried to hold in her giggles at Dottie's characterisation of the 'Dark Lord'. As well as the image of her beating him with Superman style laser vision.

.

Professor Dumbledore was utterly intrigued and more than a little impressed by the force of nature that was Dorothy Liliceae. Her subjugation of the Black's and especially the dark and dangerous Bellatrix was so complete that she had the three of them following her around like a trio lost puppies. Every time they crossed his path he half expected to see them wearing collars or sporting tattoos that read 'Property of Dorothy Liliceae. It was just all so delightfully amusing and unexpected. Helpful too, since he had long suspected that one or more of them would end up joining the Dark side and now that they had fallen to the, not inconsiderable, charms of Miss Liliceae. Their new mistress may be rather odd and extremely sexually voracious but she wasn't even close to being Dark as far as he could tell.

Then she had come to him this morning and asked for permission to attend a meeting at Gringotts and his already considerable curiosity about her was piqued even further. If the goblins wanted to see her on what was, according to the school records, her birthday then it was a very likely a matter of inheritance.

Liliceae was a name that had been around in Wizarding circles almost from the time of the founders, although they had withdrawn themselves over the last century or so. While some thought that they had moved abroad to avoid the succession of Dark Lords since the Eighteen Fifties, many had believed the family to be extinct. Of course Dorothy's sudden appearance at Hogwarts had put paid to this idea but he was still incredibly interested to know what would be revealed at the bank today.

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The bank and it's guardians were just as awful as she had imagined they would be. From the moment that they had entered the great marble and gold building Harriet and Lily had been treated with a disdain that had instantly got both of their backs up. The sooner they got out out of this, magnificently appointed, dump and into the Alley for some retail therapy the happier they would both be. Senior account manager Hammerhand seemed to share their desire for them to be gone as quickly as possible as he gabbled out the formal greeting almost the second that the office door closed.

"May your gold flow freely and your enemies fall beneath your boots."

"Er yeah ... ummm ... and may all your showers be ... golden?"

"Really?" Lily was looking distincty unimpressed with Harriet's impromptu answer. " _That's_ what you're going with."

"What?"

"This is supposed to be a serious meeting."

"I'm not Sirius, that's my ... Ow fuck!"

Hammerhand had taken advantage of the fact that his 'guest' was distracted by the ongoing argument with her advisor and reached out to take her blood for the ritual. This made Harriet unhappy. Why the hell would you use such a big, rusty, fuck off knife to make such a small cut. Sometimes Harriet really didn't 'get' the Wizarding world. She sniffled and thought about how much it hurt to get a tetanus shot.

"Awww, do you want me to kiss your boo boo better?"

"You can kiss my fucking arse ginger."

"I am _not_ ginger." The indignant Lily spat out with sudden venom. "I am red copper."

"Uh-huh, keep telling yourself that Ginge."

The grizzled and increasingly impatient goblin brought the two girls' discussion on hair colour and what they could and should kiss to a halt by banging the deformed stump that had given him his name down on the desk hard. The sudden noise had both young women jumping and squeaking a little and brought their attention back to where it should have been all along. Bloody witches.

"Would you like to hear the results of your test witch?"

The short, black haired girl nodded happily while giving him an entirely fake and slightly mental smile.

"Dorothy Glynda Liliceae."

The girl's snarl of displeasure at her own name did not go un-noticed.

"Heiress to the Noble and Ancient House of Liliceae ..."

To be expected.

"... Heiress to the Noble and Most Ancient House of Potter ..."

Hello, that was new. I mean technically she _was_ James Potter's daughter and therefore heiress but how exactly did that still work now?

"... And finally of course, heiress to the Most Noble, Most Ancient and Most Vaunted House of Slytherin."

I'm sorry _what_ now?

"Oooh Dottie this is like ... well I don't know ... do you have any idea how big of a deal this is?"

Lily's frantic, excited gabbling didn't even register in Harriet's stunned brain. As far as she could recall, old Tommy boy Voldemort had been the last heir of Slytherin, not her. What the fuck had Susan gone and done now. Just as she was really starting to get going on a typical Harriet Potter 'how fucked am I now' train of thought, something occurred to her. Something fun.

What this revoltingly, nasty little twat with the fucked up hand was saying to her was the she was, in effect, related to Tom Riddle. Closely related to him. The thought of waltzing up to the dreaded Lord Voldemort in front of all of his sick, aristo, butt buddies and saying 'Hello Daddy' caused an explosion of laughter. And an embarrassing amount of snot to escape her fingers as she tried to stifle it.

Lily and Hammerhand stood and stared in total disbelief at the snorting, giggling girl. Lily finally managed to control herself enough to get out.

"We should go and have a look around the vaults, it would be _so_ amazing."

"Is that alright Mister Goblin?"

Oh fuck off. Now she was just taking the piss. Not even the selectively obtuse Dottie Liliceae could be _that_ spectacularly ignorant of Goblin customs that she would just insult the being responsible for declaring her one of the wealthiest young women in Magical Britain. 'Mister' was pretty much the worst thing that you could call a goblin. To his credit, he didn't seem to notice, or if he did then he didn't let it affect him too much.

"The Liliceae vault is the only one that you can access currently, being the only surviving family member. You would have to be accompanied by your Head of House for the others."

"Fine. Let's go and have a snoop around shall we Lily-pad."

They were escorted down to the Liliceae vault by a young goblin called Griphook the younger, who Harriet was giving quite a few strange, sidelong looks to, going deeper and deeper into the bowels of the bank. They thrilled at the fantastic cart ride, whooping and yelling with their hands in the air like they were on the rollercoaster at Blackpool Pleasure beach. Lily was also rather thrilled to have Dottie's magnificent tits squished up into her back and her legs wrapped tightly around her. It was certainly distracting. But still very nice.

Once another small puddle of blood had been taken at the impressive door to the vault and they had stepped inside Harriet looked at the expression on Lily's face and knew that she had lost her.

The thing that immediately grabbed your attention was the books. There were hundreds of them. Hundreds upon hundreds and they had certainly grabbed Lily's attention as she had shot off to pour over them. Again Harriet was struck, in a strangely comforting way, by her similarity in certain ways to her best ever friend, Hermione. God she missed that bushy haired freak, but fiercely. She promised herself that however this time line played out she would befriend her again in the future. The thought of her, Lily and the Black sisters mentoring the insanely intelligent and inquisitive Gryffindor was actually starting to scare her a bit. She looked back at Lily and smiled indulgently at her very Hermione-ish behaviour.

Harriet, knowing that she had lost the Ravenclaw for at least an hour, went to have a look at the odd assortment of trinkets in the display cases at the centre of the vault, amongst all the piles of gold. She spent almost as much time with the heirlooms as Lily did with the books and when they finally left the vault she had two ring boxes, a tiara and a shit ton of gold in her pockets. And obviously a couple of books that Lily had insisted that she take. A coupe of dozen actually but who was counting.

.

On their arrival back in the lobby it seemed that the goblin's 'confidential' security wasn't quite as top notch as they had been led to believe. Either that or Hammerhand had decided to be a lot more vindictive than they had thought.

"Rita Skeeter, junior reporter with the Daily Prophet, my readers would love to know what such an upstanding and noble, multiple heiress is doing in such ... low ... company."

Oh Harriet knew _precisely_ who this bitch was.

Rita Skeeter had caused enough chaos, confusion and heart-ache in Harriet's previous life over the course of that fucking Tournament and beyond that she had damn nearly lost the will to continue. Her reputation and, more importantly, her friendship with Hermione had almost been destroyed by the nasty little gob-shite's hateful insinuations and Harriet had sworn to smack her right in the face if she ever saw her again.

As such it was with two years of pent up anger and frustration at the skeezy, muck-raking cunt that fuelled the furious swing of her arm. It was the sweetest, most perfect and, from the reporter's point of view, most unexpected, right hook that Harriet had ever thrown and it connected squarely in the woman's right eye.

The large, plastic glasses fairly exploded off of Rita's face as the small, but powerful, fist passed through the flimsy defence and continued it's crushing journey to a point half a foot behind her head. Or where her head had been before it hit the floor with a very satisfying thud.

Once again Harriet's ability to hold a grudge had won out over her natural inclinations to stay out of the spotlight. She was certain that her actions here would have repercussions but she simply couldn't bring herself to care as she smiled hugely, guiding her lovely companion out of the bank and down into Diagon Alley.

"What do you say we head to Fortescue's for an ice-cream sundae Lily-pad?"

The stunned Lily Evans, torn between wanting to berate Harriet for her the violence and snog her face off for standing up to the vicious, pureblood reporter for her, settled on squeezing the arm she was holding and dazedly murmuring.

"Sounds lovely."

Once seated with ice-creams delivered and spoons poised the redhead tried to make a point of not glancing at the other girl, since every time Dottie caught her she blushed bright red. It was difficult though.

"Are you _sure_ that this wasn't a date Dottie, I mean you gave me dinner and a show. Not necessarily in that order mind you but still, the only thing that could possibly make it more date-like was if you kissed me."

Not being one to let the details get in the way of a good time Harriet leaned in and did exactly that.

The two of them were so wrapped up in what they were doing that neither noticed the purple flash of a wizard's camera from the direction of a dishevelled young man across the street with a beetle on his shoulder. A beetle that had a strange black mark over it's eye

.

Having dropped her Ravenclaw redhead off at her dorms and a sneaky little goodnight kiss which had resulted in the smirking Lily muttering that it was 'totally a date', Harriet moved off in search of her own comfortable bed. Unfortunately she was side tracked by the appearance of a very familiar figure winking and gesturing at her to follow. With a sigh of resignation and a muttered 'What now?' the heiress to the Houses of Liliceae, Potter and Slytherin headed off after her.

Having a good ten minute walk to really think about the events of the day, as soon as the door to the room of requirements clicked shut behind them she turned on the statuesque reaper with a dangerous gleam in her eyes.

"I suppose that was your doing."

"What was my doing?"

"Don't play dumb with me Susan Death, you know _exactly_ what I'm talking about. The bank, the reporters."

"Of course, and I don't understand why you're getting so pissy about it Harriet, I've done you a huge favour here."

"How in all that's motherfucking good and holy have you done me a favour by making me the most famous witch in the country. I thought we were supposed to be keeping a low profile." Harriet's impressive temper was beginning to fray quite badly now. "And why the fuck are you _laughing_ bitch."

"Mother ... fucking." Susan's breath was coming in short hitching snorts. "Of all the phrases you could have used."

"Oh take your bony arse and fuck off back to Deathville."

"You didn't think my arse was bony the other night."

"Yes well we we all have lapses in judgement don't we."

"Ohhh look at my pouty little princess. Surely there must be _something_ I can do to make you smile." With barely a sound the old fashioned bodiced dress hit the floor and there was a hissed intake of breath from the recently re-incarnated girl watching. "Tell me Harriet dear do these panties make my arse look more or less bony."

"That's not fair."

"I'm Death's grandaughter and a grim reaper luvvie, 'fair' isn't even in my vocabulary."

"You're still a bitch."

"Mmmhmm."

"Ah fuck it."

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 **As usual I write for me but reviews are always nice and I'd certainly never turn them away, just don't get caught up in the whole 'they would never do that' trap. This is all going to be pretty AU stuff.**

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 **DtR xx.**


	7. Chapter 7

**.**

 **It lives!**

 **After a break of ... well too long really ... we're back. And this time it's personal.**

 **You can thank Noble Korhedron and a few select others for badgering me relentlessly into getting my finger out of my arse and actually moving forward in this story. As a side effect it's got me moving on pretty much all of my stories so thanks for that guys.** _ **Really**_ **, your support is much appreciated.**

 **This fic is a light hearted piece of fun for me and is in no way meant to be taken seriously. If it's not your thing, that's okay. Stop reading and move on with your life. Also almost everyone in this story is OOC to some extent or other. Harriet Potter 'the girl-who-lived' would never have done half the things that she's doing now but Dorothy Liliceae is a different kettle of fish entirely. And as we all surely know by now ... Dottie's a nutbag.**

 **Nutters do tend to have a terrifying propensity to affect everything and everyone around them. I would know. Been one all my life.**

 **Enjoy.**

 **.**

 **I'm not JKR and I don't make any money from this. Which is a bit of a shame.**

 **DtR xx.**

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 **A Tale of Two Lillies.**

.

 **7\. Wicked Witches and the Wiziest Wiz there Was.**

 **.**

Dottie was all relaxed and chipper after waking from yet another night of sexual abandon, this time with the rather unskilled but extremely ... _enthusiastic_ Susan Death. Their argument had been forgotten about in extremely short order once Susan's underwear had joined her dress on the floor of the room of requirements. The former 'girl-who-lived' having launched herself at the naked reaper in a frenzy made up of equal parts anger and frustration at her new situation and pure lust had succeeded magnificently in taking their respective minds off of the problem.

The previously virginal Miss Death was, in fact, so distracted from their falling out by the wild, little witch with the vivid green eyes that she had actually forgotten to breathe at several points in their furious love making. Not that she really needed to, but it was a bad habit that she didn't want to get into, since she really didn't want to do things the same way as her grandad did. Especially not _this_. She was rather embarrassed that the extremely talented young woman with the _amazing_ tongue had made her do so. Whatever her prior hesitations and misgivings though, it had turned out to be a rather _lovely_ night for her.

The talented young woman in question had also had a bit of a lovely time last night. While it could be annoying in a lot of ways, there was definitely a lot to be said for 'breaking in' an inexperienced woman. They did tend to let you get away with a great many things that more sexually savvy girls wouldn't and Harriet had exploited this aspect of the sweet, but terribly naive, Susan mercilessly. They were also a lot more cuddly afterwards. It was very nice.

It was especially nice to be woken by the trainee grim reaper, who didn't actually sleep herself, delicately stroking up and down her naked spine. Then things got a whole lot better when she opened her eyes and spied the lightly steaming natural hot spring that was waiting for her.

"Was that you or the room?"

"Me."

"Well _that's_ handy. My own personal, portable bathroom creator."

"Isn't it though?"

Harriet left the soft bed, sauntered over to the pool and slipped a toe into the water with exaggerated movements while being as deliberately provocative as possible. She ceased the hypnotic swaying of her hips and bent low to test the temperature with her finger. A finger which, half turning, she then immediately and seductively put into her mouth and gave a little suck before letting it escape with a pop.

Susan Death may not have been exactly human but she was human enough that she couldn't fail to react predictably to the raven haired little minx, smiling at her coquettishly from the edge of the spa.

.

Some considerable time later Susan decided to make another, more conscious effort to get on with things. Or more accurately, to get Harriet to get on with things. Important things. Things that needed to get done. Today preferably.

"Come on you, up."

"It's Sunday."

The gorgeous girl next to her yawned and stretched out her shining, scintillating, naked body in a most tantalising manner almost putting her off of her stride as she grumbled out her sleepy reply. _Almost_. But not quite. She shook her head and re-gained some small semblance of her self control.

"Yes, but you have things to do today." Susan slapped the small, pale, wandering hands away from her bum. "Not _those_ kinds of things."

"Awwww."

"Look, stop mauling me you randy little slapper, get dressed and get yourself down to breakfast. You'll want to be there when the papers arrive, trust me."

Harriet propped herself up on a one elbow and gave her immortal lover, what she referred to as, the stink eye.

"Fucking hell Susan. What did you do now?"

"Hey I'm not the one who punched a Daily Prophet gossip columnist in the face for no reason."

"I had plenty of reasons I'll have you know."

"Like?"

"She's a bitch."

Susan opened her mouth to argue the point before shutting it again and shrugging her shoulders.

"Yeah okay, I'll give you that one."

"I'll give _you_ one."

Fending off the renewed advances from the suddenly randy and much more awake Miss Potter, Susan thought that she now knew why none Harriet's conquests seemed too concerned about her 'spreading the love around'. The girl seemed to be perpetually horny and considering that even she, a demi-goddess who didn't actually need sleep or even rest had been worn out by her, she was beginning to feel pity for her growing 'harem' of girls. Well, alright, not pity perhaps, given how skilled with her tongue and fingers Harriet was, but definitely a sense of better them than me.

"And you wonder why people call you 'Dirty Dottie'. Anyway, now that you've got a bit more financial and political clout with your new titles and vaults and such, _Lady Liliceae_ , it's high time that you got going with your plan."

"Plan?"

"Yes. You know that plan that you wrote out only a few days ago."

"Oh, right. _That_ plan."

Death's grand-daughter pinched the bridge of her nose and squeezed her eyes shut, realising that Harriet had indeed forgotten the entire reason that she was back here. And the fact that she written out a decently sound plan of how to get things moving in the right direction. It seemed like she was going to have to keep an almost constant watch on the infuriatingly cute, but easily distracted, girl in order to keep things on track.

Not that she could complain about that too much. She was rather easy on the eyes, after all. Not quite so easy on her poor, abused intimate areas, mind you, but still one couldn't have everything.

"Now I think that you should start with getting the 'good guys' on board. Let's face it the marauders and your new pal 'Sevvie' are going to need all the help that they can get. And you are the perfect person to give that help. Well you and your mad little harem anyway." She shook her head in mock sadness. "Those boys are so clueless it makes me even more glad to be gay."

Harriet agreed with her entirely but wasn't about to tell Susan that, preferring to pout about the grand-daughter of Death calling her 'Dirty Dottie'. Not that she didn't deserve it mind you, but that really wasn't the point. She made her acceptance of Susan's idea appear to be as grudging as possible. It was so quiet that it was almost a whisper.

"'Kay."

"Good. But first, get to breakfast, read the papers. I promise it'll be rather interesting for you."

The time travelling sex monster pouted bad temperedly and huffed out a disgruntled _'fine'_ as she retrieved her clothes and began to prepare (finally) for the day ahead.

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Harriet paid no attention to the stares and hushed whispers as she sat down to breakfast. She'd lived through it too many times before to be bothered by such things. When she opened her copy of the _Sunday Prophet_ , however, she did pay attention. And as she began to grip her spoon hard enough that it started to noticeably bend and deform, so did everyone else. It was, at the same time, both better and worse than Harriet was expecting.

.

 _ **Slytherin Is Back!**_

 _ **A special report by Rita Skeeter.**_

 _ **Yesterday, in a move that will shock the Wizarding World, the Most Noble and Most Ancient House of Slytherin was resurrected from it's dormant status when a new heir was found. Or should I say a new heir-ess. Yes that's right readers, the next person to hold the considerable purse strings and powerful political reins of the oldest and wealthiest House in Britain is a, just turned sixteen year old, witch. A young witch who is also the last surviving member and heiress to the Liliceae fortune.**_

 _ **Dorothy Glynda Liliceae now holds in her delicate hands two Wizengamot seats as well as a fortune that puts her firmly in the top three most wealthy bachelorettes in the country. I say most wealthy rather than most eligible since it appears that the new Lady elect of Slytherin and Liliceae suffers from some extremely serious personality flaws.**_

 _ **Speaking to several current students at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry where she is a recent transfer has revealed that Lady Slytherin is a notorious and very successful seducer of witches. This fact would not be so much of a problem were she not responsible for repopulating two of our most revered Houses. Combined with the fact that she is seen often in in the company of a redheaded muggleborn witch, famous for challenging the status quo.**_

 _ **We at the Daily Prophet do not, of course, condone the views or actions of the more extreme blood purists beginning to assert themselves now under their self styled Lord Voldemort, but we are concerned for the future of the two aforementioned Ancient families.**_

 _ **It also seems that our new 'Serpent Princess' has a rather nasty temper. My sources at the school have heard many rumours of a vicious attack on a prominent, pureblood wizard in the Slytherin common room. Rumours that were not exactly put to rest when the young 'Lady' in question physically assaulted Heir Malfoy as she left the great hall one morning last week.**_

 _ **Indeed, your humble correspondent herself, can personally attest to Lady Slytherin's violent outbursts having been subjected to one of them as well. My possibly unwise attempt at an impromtu interview in the lobby of Gringott's Bank was met with a swift and brutal rebuttal. I certainly do not envy Heir Malfoy as she has a very impressive and effective right cross that necessitated a visit to St. Mungo's.**_

 _ **Yet despite her more obvious character flaws it is clear to us here at the Daily Prophet that this exciting and eccentric young Lady elect of the Houses of Slytherin and Liliceae will certainly be one to watch. We believe that her energy and enthusiasm will certainly help to re-invigorate both our Government and our Society and we wish her all the best in this worthy endeavour.**_

.

What. The. Fuck.

Of all the two faced, back-handed, back-stabbing, bottle blonde _bitches_. A black eye was going to be the least of that skeezy, little, cunt's problems when Harriet caught up to her. If that drunk, old fraud Trelawny were about with her manky crystal ball, the only thing she'd be seeing in Rita fucking Skeeter's immediate future was a great deal of pain and a bodybag.

For justice. For Hermione. For pissing her off.

Very sensibly, no-one in th great hall that morning even thought about trying to approach the violently insane witch who had made such an impact on their school in the last week. They simply chose to watch in fear and awe as 'Hot, Dirty Dottie' ... errr ... Lady Slytherin that is tried to stop herself from going on a bloody rampage through Hogwarts.

Her boiling fury was replaced by a cold, hard determination. Susan was right. She needed to start getting things done.

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Sunday afternoon and found Harriet, Pandora, Lily and the Black sisters secreted in a private room just to one side of the restricted section of Hogwarts Library. This was, in part due to her new found status as an Heir of one of the Founders, but more likely had something to do with Irma Pince's soft spot for the very bookish and very respectful Lily Evans. It was truly amazing just how much the Ravenclaw could get away with if she simply asked the staff nicely.

They all loved her for her manners as much as her brilliance. Something which Harriet would be looking to exploit later on.

For now, however, she had to get her plans moving and that meant gathering her allies and giving out some orders in the guise of a 'discussion'. She really was getting more and more Slytherin by the day. Her recently acquired ancestor would be so proud of her.

"Welcome everyone to, what I'm calling, Dorothy Liliceae's council of Ladies."

There was excited applause from Pandora, Cissy and Bella while the two more staid members of the group rolled their eyes at her egotism and insanity.

"Are you sure it shouldn't be Lady Slytherin's Council of Concubines, Dottie love?"

If you lot actually _were_ my concubines then I'd be having sex with a lot more of you. Although if you girls _really_ wanted it I suppose we could have a quick orgy before the meeting."

This comment caused a great deal of red faced head shaking from Lily and Andi who, never the less, looked quite excited by the idea, while the other three sent up a chant of.

"Orgy, orgy, orgy!"

"Panda, I didn't realise that you swung that way. And just think of all the fun we could have been having if you'd only told me earlier, you silly goose."

"Oh I'm not gay Dottie. I just didn't want to feel left out."

"So if we had decided to have an orgy you would have joined in just to feel included?"

"Oh yes."

"I knew there was a reason I liked you Panda Pop."

"It's because I'm special isn't it?"

"Oh there's no denying that you're 'special' sweetie. And actually, it's a good thing that you're straight Panda because I've got a very important question to ask you."

Everyone was paying rapt attention to Harriet now.

"How would you like your very own cuddly, little, furry, wolfy to keep you warm at night?"

This prompted some hesitant and slightly worried comments from her council the very least of which was.

"Scamander and Lupin. Are you _sure_ about this Dottie?"

"Oh come on, what's the worst that could happen?"

At least the now thoroughly pussy whipped Bella was still on her side.

"We could go on a fairy hunt with the vanilla-strawberry pudding coven and accidentally wipe out what remains of the hovering beleshan population."

Harriet pulled Pandora's face back into her generous cleavage, making the rest of her highly interesting but highly mental reply very muffled and thankfully incomprehensible. It also made the rest of the witches in the room incredibly jealous that they weren't the one to be receiving Dottie's generous, mammary attentions.

"Shush you."

Then something that Andromeda Black had said jolted her brain back into life. _'Scamander and Lupin'_. They knew about Remus.

"Hang about, how did you all know that Lupin's a werewolf?"

"Honestly Dottie, how stupid do you think we are? I mean he disappears for three days a month around the full moon and his clothes are constantly in tatters. It doesn't exactly take a genius to figure it out."

Despite her surprise at their uncommon (for the wizarding world) common sense, Harriet recovered quickly and spent the next ten minutes 'convincing' her council of ladies that distracting the marauders with sex was the way to go. There were an awkward few moments when they thought that she meant that _they_ would have to be the ones boinking the idiot wizards. Her explanation that they would be encouraging or coercing other unlucky girls into the task calmed things down enough for her to continue.

.

Miss Scamander had, of course, immediately and in an impressively theatrical style volunteered to 'take one for the team' where her uncle Moony was concerned. It was a good effort but it fooled no-one. Once the question of Remus Lupin was put to bed, much to Pandora's squeals of delight (Harriet had been spot on in predicting the strange girl's reaction to snuggles with a werewolf), they moved on to the next marauder.

It was a relatively simple task to get Lily to help her recruit moaning Myrtle to the cause of love but far less simple to convince her that a suitably dumb witch would have to be sacrificed to James Potter's dubious charms. Apparently saying 'but it's only a Hufflepuff' was not going to cut any ice with the redhead ... however true it was ... and she had to resort to a great deal of pouting, batting of her eyelashes and even the fake tears before Lily had finally capitulated.

Next was the one that she had been looking forward to the most. Sirius Black.

She made her pronouncement on her preferred match for him and sat back to watch the fun. As Harriet had suspected, her god-father's cousins did not disappoint.

"Minerva McGonagall?"

"Ye-e-es."

"And our idiot cousin Sirius?"

"Ye-e-es."

"Okay that actually sounds like fun."

" _Bella!_ "

"What? It would be. Professor Kitty and the Black mutt? That's just _so_ wrong that it's right."

"Anything else you want us to do? Feed the World? Solve the political and socio-economic problems in the middle East?"

"Yeah, we need to get Sevvie a shag."

This time even the extensive pureblood and Slytherin House training that they had all received couldn't disguise the shock of the stunned sisters as they all murmured out variations upon a theme of 'fuck me'. Which Harriet thought was a rather disappointingly defeatist attitude.

Severus Snape reminded her, quite painfully, of how she had been when she had first entered Hogwarts after the treatment she had received in the 'loving environment' of the Dursley's sterile home. He was ragged to the point that tramps would be ashamed to be seen with him and shied away from all forms of physical contact at every opportunity.

He may have been an un-holy prick to her in the future but this poor, down-trodden and clearly physically and emotionally abused boy was not that man. Not yet at any rate, and she fully intended to make sure that he never got the chance to become so. If that meant that she had to help out and even, horror of horrors, befriend her previous nemesis then so be it.

Harriet's own 'rough treatment' at number four Privet Drive had left her unwilling and entirely unable to turn a blind eye to child abuse. Even when it was her greasy, dungeon bat of an ex Potions Master. Actually, especially so, since with his conversion to the 'light' it would throw a big old spanner into the Dark Tosser's future plans.

Although her own plans to murder the blonde ponce and the treacherous rat would probably not be considered something that a 'light' inclined person would do. Nor would controlling her little harem of exceedingly powerful and exceedingly _useful_ witches with judicious use of sex and unforgiveable curses for that matter. Bella did _love_ it when Harriet hit her with the _crucio_ curse for being a 'bad' girl. The little weirdo.

So probably not the 'light' side. Perhaps the Potter side then ... er ... scratch that. The _Liliceae_ side?

Hmm, maybe she would end up as a Dark Lady after all, just like all of those people in her second year had predicted.

.

With dinner came the opportunity for Harriet to start implementing plan 'Distract the Retards'. Unfortunately, it involved her having to sit at the Gryffindor table for her evening meal in order to actually talk to them. She had somewhat stupidly decided to take Pandora with her to provide moral support and a possible human shield should things get _too_ far out of hand.

"Hello boys."

There was much shifting and surreptitious drawing of wands at her unexpected appearance at the Gryffindor table.

"A bit nervous aren't we?"

"Bloody right we're nervous you're mental."

Oh Sirius, always such a way with words. She blushed and batted her eyelashes at him, _nearly_ causing him to laugh.

"You're a de ... demon summoner."

Her reaction to the treacherous rat was more scowling than flirting but it shut him up so she was calling it a win.

"You're a snake."

Her ever charming father received the same treatment as Pettigrew and looked away just as quickly.

"Actually, you're _the_ snake ... Lady Slytherin."

Remus gave her such a mocking bow that she actually did laugh before continuing.

"All very good points gentlemen but there really isn't any need for you to be so worried. I'm actually here to offer a truce."

It took an annoyingly long time to convince the marauders of the sincerity of her generous (to her) offer of an armistice. This may have had something to do with Pandora's presence and her all too frequent interruptions about the random, invisible creatures that were affecting them all and making such agreement much more difficult. Not that it phased Harriet in the slightest, she being fully conversant with the oddities of 'Luna speak'. It did seem to distract the marauders however, confusing James and Peter while more amusing Sirius and Remus.

And it was these last two, the more intelligent (just barely so) members of the group that carried the day and persuaded James and Peter of her pure intentions. Eventually that is.

Morons.

As uncle Moony had pointed out previously, she was Lady fucking Slytherin and quite literally _the_ baddest, motherfucking snake in the pit. Like her intentions were _ever_ going to be pure.

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While Harriet and her council of ladies were discussing the merits of various methods to pair up their unsuspecting targets, in a room at an obscure west country Inn, the man formally known as Tom Riddle was frowning at his newspaper. More specifically the headline banner plastered across it in twelve point print.

An heiress to the House of Slytherin? He thought he was the only one. It was very concerning.

Although, upon further reading, he was both intrigued by this comely young woman's heritage and highly amused by her open assault on the reporter who had so unwisely accosted her. Voldemort had wanted to do the same thing on many occasions in the past and had only restrained himself due to the necessity of keeping in the good graces of the British press. At least for now.

His short, young relative (?) obviously wasn't in possession of his immense self control. That was clear both from the, probably well deserved, attack on this Skeeter woman and by her very public display of affection for the redheaded witch who she was pictured lip-locked with later in the day. The same redheaded witch that Skeeter had previously outed as a mudblood.

Voldemort was surprised that a pureblooded witch of such an ancient and important heritage would have the balls to do so in the middle of Diagon Alley in the middle of the day. And he found himself rather impressed by it.

Or he would be impressed if it turned out that she knew what a stink she would be kicking up and had done it anyway rather than if she were just too self involved and too stupid to notice the camera. He really hoped that it was the former case as the only thing that was missing in his imminent rise to ultimate power was the presence of an adequate apprentice. Someone strong enough to be a good investment for the future and young enough be ... malleable. Someone like Dorothy Liliceae.

Certainly, none of his current crop of pureblood followers was either young enough, powerful enough or pliable enough to make a decent second in command, although Cygnus and Druella's daughters showed some promise. The problem was that most of the idiots were just so mired in this whole blood 'purity' nonsense and couldn't seem to get past it to see the true potential of his revolution. They were afraid of the new mages coming into their world and changing it so that they, the aristocratic elites, would end up being outnumbered, outgunned and closer to the bottom of the pile than the top. It was why they were so keen on subjugating the 'muddies' just like their ancestors had done for centuries.

It was a damned silly waste of good, magical talent, in his opinion.

Their fear did help him to encourage them to see 'Lord Voldemort' as their saviour from the muggle disease of course. Even though he was technically a half blood and once he was in power his current supporters would be in a _far_ worse position than even they could imagine. But still, scared, inbred idiots didn't really make for either the most effective or the most reliable of minions.

If there was one thing that the young Miss Liliceae/Lady Slytherin elect looked, it was certainly _not_ scared.

Arrogant and aristocratic? Certainly. Lecherous and hormonal? Very possibly. Mentally unstable? Without a doubt. But scared? Not even slightly.

She was perfect. Maybe.

The Dark Lord seated himself at the scarred writing desk, busied himself pulling parchment and ink from it's drawers and readied himself for a task of monumental importance. With a theatrical flourish of his quill he began to compose a recruitment letter to his (possibly) distant relative, the impressive and well connected Miss Dorothy Liliceae.

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Having spent all of their afternoon discussing who they could get to 'hook up' with the various marauders and how these minor miracles could be achieved, the Black sisters had worked themselves up into a bit of a frenzy. And if they were horny and frustrated then they could only imagine what their beloved 'Dirty Dottie' was feeling. It was with this in mind that the eldest and youngest of the sisters had set about their middle sibling almost the second that they had returned to Cissy and Dottie's room after dinner.

Andi had been stunned, stripped and ... _prepared_ , before the two of them had set about transfiguring their own clothing into something more suitable for the evening's activities that they had planned.

They had barely finished their preparations when the girl of their frenzied dreams stomped into the room in a bit of a huff only to be pulled up short at the sight which greeted her. Harriet's mouth dropped open and her eyes instantly glazed over as she drooled at the tableau presented for her pleasure.

Oh my.

Andromeda Black, the one sister that she hadn't yet found an opportunity to _have_ , was squatting on the rug in the middle of the floor as naked as the day she was born. Well, naked apart from the silken ropes that criss-crossed intricately and intimately across her body displaying her for all to see. Andromeda Black, who was just as startlingly beautiful as her siblings and who was very pissed off with those same leather and lace clad siblings if the glaring, dark eyes were to be believed. Not that she could exactly vocalize her displeasure at the moment.

This was mainly due to the fact that she had been silenced the old fashioned way with a charmed apple that had been stuffed in her pretty, succulent mouth.

"What's all this then?"

Harriet raised an inquisitive eyebrow as she gestured to this very interesting picture that her minions had painted for her. Bella got a shifty look in her eye and started kicking at the floor with the pointed toe of her boot in something almost, but not quite, akin to embarrassment that totally ruined her badass image.

"Sooo, I _might_ have taken some private lessons in leglimency over the summer ... and I _might_ have seen you eyeing up little sister here with your, you know, _look_ ... which _might_ have led to me taking a little peek around in your brain to see what you were fantasizing about ... and ... voila!"

Bellatrix gave a bright smile and a little 'Tada' gesture that eroded her whole, carefully prepared, 'Mistress of Pain' aura even further.

"Yeah, we kind of knew that you were interested in acquiring the set so we decided to give you a little present after you worked so hard today. Think of it as just a small token of our undying appreciation for your awesomeness."

She couldn't hold out any longer against the inevitable and Harriet finally broke, engulfing the two witches not currently being constricted on the floor, in a jumping, squealing melee of three way kisses and hugs.

"Awww girls! That's so _sweet_ of you. Now I have to get you something."

Cissy's reply that all she needed to do was to let them play too, pushed things over the edge from sweet to decidedly less so in a heartbeat. After the blonde's naughty suggestion, things got very serious, very quickly and vanishing the rest of her clothing with a dismissive wave of her hand, Harriet descended hungrily on her prey. With her two grinning, glamorous assistants in tow.

And the completionist in her was like, 'Yay!'.

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 **As usual I write for me but reviews are always nice and I'd certainly never turn them away, just don't get caught up in the whole 'they would never do that' trap. This is all going to be pretty AU stuff.**

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 **DtR xx.**


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